The Break Up Season
A disturbing turn of events this week has made me come to a conclusion-Spring time is break up time.
I used to think that Spring was the season of budding love...two people becoming acquainted with one another just as the sun is beginning to shine and flowers are blooming. Most of my relationships have had there beginnings in the spring. It's a great time to find someone because it's the season where everyone is coming out from underneath their Winter rocks and rejoining humanity again.
Unfortunately, this is not such a great time for couples who are already in full fledged relationships. For some, Spring is when some better halves get a little antsy and start itching to be free. It's the preamble to the coming Summer madness. I think in general, it's just a time when relationship problems become glaringly evident.
This week was a tough one for me. I witnessed two of my dearest female friends suffering through marital problems with their husbands. I will not disclose exactly what their problems were, all I can say is that one of the girl's is currently holed up at her parent's house separated from her husband, and the other one is debating calling off an upcoming wedding ceremony (the two are legally married, they just have yet to have the wedding.)
And then there's me. This week, I broke up with my ex, again. We had such a good time together and I really felt like I was falling in love with him. Unfortunately, he did not understand that when in a long distance situation, you have to put in more effort than if you lived in the same city. Our communication was strained which resulted in me not being able to trust him. After things didn't change, I decided to end it.
Seeing what my friends were going through and then evaluating my own situation, I had a bit of a breakdown. I felt horrible for my friends. I just sat in my room and cried as I thought about what they must be going through. I mean, I'm just a single gal going through a break up; they are legally and spiritually bound to their spouses and in one of the cases, a child is involved.
Still though, I found my own situation pretty depressing. I'm suffering through the break up blues at the moment but I know I did the right thing. I learned that I will not settle for anything less than what I want-a committed, monogamous relationship. One that involves the right amount of communication and one where a strong foundation of trust has been built. I'm sure I will expand on this in a future post.
For now though, I just want to help my friends get through these difficult times. I know I'll be fine, I've been here enough so I know the coping strategies like the back of my hand. But my girls may have a long road ahead of them.
I used to think that Spring was the season of budding love...two people becoming acquainted with one another just as the sun is beginning to shine and flowers are blooming. Most of my relationships have had there beginnings in the spring. It's a great time to find someone because it's the season where everyone is coming out from underneath their Winter rocks and rejoining humanity again.
Unfortunately, this is not such a great time for couples who are already in full fledged relationships. For some, Spring is when some better halves get a little antsy and start itching to be free. It's the preamble to the coming Summer madness. I think in general, it's just a time when relationship problems become glaringly evident.
This week was a tough one for me. I witnessed two of my dearest female friends suffering through marital problems with their husbands. I will not disclose exactly what their problems were, all I can say is that one of the girl's is currently holed up at her parent's house separated from her husband, and the other one is debating calling off an upcoming wedding ceremony (the two are legally married, they just have yet to have the wedding.)
And then there's me. This week, I broke up with my ex, again. We had such a good time together and I really felt like I was falling in love with him. Unfortunately, he did not understand that when in a long distance situation, you have to put in more effort than if you lived in the same city. Our communication was strained which resulted in me not being able to trust him. After things didn't change, I decided to end it.
Seeing what my friends were going through and then evaluating my own situation, I had a bit of a breakdown. I felt horrible for my friends. I just sat in my room and cried as I thought about what they must be going through. I mean, I'm just a single gal going through a break up; they are legally and spiritually bound to their spouses and in one of the cases, a child is involved.
Still though, I found my own situation pretty depressing. I'm suffering through the break up blues at the moment but I know I did the right thing. I learned that I will not settle for anything less than what I want-a committed, monogamous relationship. One that involves the right amount of communication and one where a strong foundation of trust has been built. I'm sure I will expand on this in a future post.
For now though, I just want to help my friends get through these difficult times. I know I'll be fine, I've been here enough so I know the coping strategies like the back of my hand. But my girls may have a long road ahead of them.
Taking The Risk
It's been awhile since I last wrote-my sincere apologies. A lot has happened and I didn't feel I would be doing this blog justice if I didn't assess everything first.
I want to start off by saying that in the last two months, I have learned a great deal about what it is to start a relationship. More so, I have learned a lot about what happens when you finally decide to take the risk of getting hurt and offer up your trust.
My ex-boyfriend and I are officially back together. It's definitely a weird feeling-I mean, I went without a relationship for quite sometime and I never thought I'd see the day when I would be in one again. I reluctantly use the title "boyfriend"; I almost wish there was another name that was equally as appropriate but not so juvenile.
I have to say, he has taught me so much. Since we've been seeing each other again, I learned things about myself that I didn't know. I learned that when I am afraid of being vulnerable, I push people away. I learned that my over analyzing often gets in the way of me really enjoying a relationship.
I learned that trust is the hardest thing for me to give of myself, but it is the most important thing you give someone you're in a relationship with. I learned that I have to let go and just hope for the best, instead of being pessimistic in the effort to guard myself from pain.
But the most important thing I learned from all of this is that, sometimes when in the pursuit of love and happiness, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A RISK.
That's right folks. There is no way of getting around it. I was in a situation where I could either A) Pre-emptively break up with him to avoid the risk of heartbreak, or B) Give in and allow the Trust Express to pick me up. Funny thing is, I tried option A...but it didn't work.
At one point, there were some issues I was having with my beau that just started to get under my skin. And though I did not communicate these issues to him, I decided the best thing to do was break up. I wrote him the break up email-honestly, it was the email I always expected to write him because the pessimism deeply rooted inside me was telling me it was never going to work. Later that day I got a phone call from him. He said he thought everything was fine and then I blindside him with this email about how I don't want to be with him anymore. I was committing a cardinal relationship sin: I didn't communicate.
I've done a lot to push him away but what's made this time different from the other time and the other men is that he pushed back. I gave him many chances to walk away from me and he didn't.
So this is ultimately what it comes down to: Maybe our relationship will work this time and maybe it won't (I've considered both options.) But I am never going to know unless I give it a shot. I read a quote in a relationship article that said "Sometimes being smart about love means taking a risk."
To those out there contemplating whether you will sink or swim, I encourage you, take the risk. Regardless of the result, you will come out on top because of what you learn from the experience. Happy dating all!
I want to start off by saying that in the last two months, I have learned a great deal about what it is to start a relationship. More so, I have learned a lot about what happens when you finally decide to take the risk of getting hurt and offer up your trust.
My ex-boyfriend and I are officially back together. It's definitely a weird feeling-I mean, I went without a relationship for quite sometime and I never thought I'd see the day when I would be in one again. I reluctantly use the title "boyfriend"; I almost wish there was another name that was equally as appropriate but not so juvenile.
I have to say, he has taught me so much. Since we've been seeing each other again, I learned things about myself that I didn't know. I learned that when I am afraid of being vulnerable, I push people away. I learned that my over analyzing often gets in the way of me really enjoying a relationship.
I learned that trust is the hardest thing for me to give of myself, but it is the most important thing you give someone you're in a relationship with. I learned that I have to let go and just hope for the best, instead of being pessimistic in the effort to guard myself from pain.
But the most important thing I learned from all of this is that, sometimes when in the pursuit of love and happiness, YOU HAVE TO TAKE A RISK.
That's right folks. There is no way of getting around it. I was in a situation where I could either A) Pre-emptively break up with him to avoid the risk of heartbreak, or B) Give in and allow the Trust Express to pick me up. Funny thing is, I tried option A...but it didn't work.
At one point, there were some issues I was having with my beau that just started to get under my skin. And though I did not communicate these issues to him, I decided the best thing to do was break up. I wrote him the break up email-honestly, it was the email I always expected to write him because the pessimism deeply rooted inside me was telling me it was never going to work. Later that day I got a phone call from him. He said he thought everything was fine and then I blindside him with this email about how I don't want to be with him anymore. I was committing a cardinal relationship sin: I didn't communicate.
I've done a lot to push him away but what's made this time different from the other time and the other men is that he pushed back. I gave him many chances to walk away from me and he didn't.
So this is ultimately what it comes down to: Maybe our relationship will work this time and maybe it won't (I've considered both options.) But I am never going to know unless I give it a shot. I read a quote in a relationship article that said "Sometimes being smart about love means taking a risk."
To those out there contemplating whether you will sink or swim, I encourage you, take the risk. Regardless of the result, you will come out on top because of what you learn from the experience. Happy dating all!
