LaLa in Seattle

I don't know if I am the only one that notices this, but it seems like a lot of people are all of the sudden getting married. It seems everywhere I turn, people are getting engaged and rushing to the chapel, or rushing to plan a wedding in record time. I have already been obligated to three weddings this year, one of which I will be the maid of honor.

With all this wedding hubbub, I am forced to ask myself, "What is every one's hurry?" I think what disturbs me more about this trend is it's people my age and younger who are getting into it.

Now before I launch into my pessimistic marriage point of view, I feel I need to issue this disclaimer: I am not opposed to marriage. I think it is such a beautiful thing when two people decide to be together for the rest of their lives. I often think of how I would like my wedding to look and settling into a family someday. The key word in that sentence being "someday."

But the fact of the matter is, I am only 25. I am still growing and learning about myself and I would hate to get married now only to find that I will be completely incompatible in five years with the person I chose to marry. Studies have shown that people who choose to get married in their later twenties and early thirties have better success rates then those who marry younger.

Aside from statistics, I have already seen enough young marriages around me fail to know that I can wait if it means a better shot at success. Not to mention, all of the couples I've seen who have gotten married or are getting married (with the exception of the one wedding where I am the maid of honor) seem to have some ulterior motives besides true love for getting hitched in the first place.

The couple who's wedding I am in is one I consider the perfect example of what a couple getting married should be. The soon-to-be bride and groom have been together for five years, lived together for four and have an adorable 1 7-month-old son. They already own a house; the bride received a bachelor's degree last year and the groom has his own remodeling business. Now with the bride being 23, this is an exception to the rule.

I guess my point and my advice to young couples out there that are thinking about jumping the broom is to really think about why you want to get married right now. If your concerned that marriage is the only way to keep your presumed soul mate in your life, then he/she might not be the right one for you. It's just my belief that getting married for any other reasons besides wanting to love and spend the rest of your life with someone will have regrettable consequences. And I don't know about the rest of the early twenty somethings out there, but the idea of being a divorcee by age 30 completely freaks me out.

Here is a link from the Discovery Health Website debunking some of society's favorite divorce myths: http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/divorce.html

There are some people out there that ascribe to the saying, "Honesty is the best policy." I believe this saying is true....to an extent. Through my recent dating experience (looks like I'm back from my hiatus, thank you, thank you), I have learned that there is such a thing as being too honest. And the situation I was currently in had me jumping up and down on the TMI meter. But somehow I survived and managed to pick up a few tidbits of knowledge along the way. Here are a few things that men should never tell women they have just started dating:

1. The last time I had sex was the same night that we met.

When I asked the guy I was dating (we'll call him Paul) when the last time he had sex was, Paul responded "Last Saturday." It just so happened that the Saturday he was referring to was the same Saturday that we met. Turns out he had slept with a friend of his friend's girlfriend. And how do I know this? Because he told me, basically giving me play-by-play details on how he ended up in the sack with a woman he just met. I think this first tidbit is pretty self explanatory. Women appreciate honesty-but not the same brand of honesty you use with your best guy friends.

2. The only reason I've been interested in women is to f**k them.

This is what was basically said to me verbatim. Now guys, here's something you need to know about women: we're not stupid. We know that men are more likely to have more sexual partners and we also know that men are much more likely to have sex without tying in their emotions. But the fact is, we really don't need to hear about it. Women find self respect and dignity attractive in a man, so if you want to appear to have these qualities, do not divulge this information.

3. I've never had a girlfriend/serious relationship.

This tip is truly dependent on your circumstances but for the most part is universal. Nothing is more attractive to a woman then seeing a man who can commit. Obviously, when a man has a committed relationship/s under his belt, in a woman's eyes, there is the possibility that he is able to have another one. So if the above statement is true, whether you have just never been able to commit to one woman and would like to or you've just never had a girlfriend period, find some way to temporarily avoid the question. Something like "I'll tell you more about it once we start talking more" is a good one because not only are you masking your non-existent relationship history, but your letting her know that you want to continue getting to know her.

I hope my horror stories will help those guys out there who are walking the tight rope between honesty and full disclosure. Remember, it's good to be honest with a woman your dating but you don't have to tell her everything. Even if she says she wants to know everything about you, there are just some things better left unsaid. Happy dating all!

With dating in today's day and age, it's safe to assume that everyone comes with a past. Everyone has their own set of baggage unique to their own life path. So it's also safe to say that the process of dating is basically when two people take a look inside that baggage and try to determine how many items they are each willing to accept, or at least tolerate.

But exactly how much baggage is too much baggage? This is a question I recently had to ask myself.

Obviously, I met a guy. Now if I had a type, this guy is probably it-looks, personality, positive attitude, honesty-after taking it all in, I assessed that this is a pretty decent guy. It also seems like he's got his act together-he works full time, goes to school and attends the gym regularly. So what is the fly in the ointment you ask? I'll tell you.

There are some things in his past that I am not completely comfortable with. Now I won't get into the details, but it's not the usual set of relationship baggage a person comes with, like a previous marriage or kids or infidelity or a psycho ex. It's baggage I've never dealt with before. And though it appears that he has done almost a complete reversal and made large efforts at growing and changing, I still fear that if we got involved, he might revert back to some of his old ways.

I have been questioning whether or not I can completely handle it all or if it's just too much. I did reiterate to him that I would not tolerate any of his old behavior and he said he respected that and liked that I made that clear.

So how do you assess how much baggage is too much? Here are some strats that I am currently using:

1. Determine whether it's baggage or a red flag.

Sometimes it's hard to determine whether the emotional baggage one is toting is just that, or if it is a red flag that the situation and your potential flame aren't right for you. The best way to figure this out is to evaluate whether their past baggage has a present place in their life. If it's clear that they have stowed their baggage away and moved on, it's safe to say it's just plain baggage. But if you don't see much of a difference between who they say they were in the past and who they are now, I would qualify that as a red flag that something is amiss.


2. Reserve your judgements.

The fact is, the situation that my possible beau was faced with is not all that uncommon from things I have seen others close to me go through. So to judge him, I would have to judge them as well and even dare I say it, myself. Attempt to reserve your judgements until it is absolutely necessary.

I know it can be difficult to accept a not so favorable past along with a favorable person. Assessing the situation can help you determine whether you should stick around and rummage through the baggage, or pack up and heave home. Only when you and your paramour's baggage can be dealt with compatibly can their be true relationship bliss. Happy dating all!

Recently, after I realized that I suffered from a serious addiction to McDonald's Sausage McMuffins among other delicious fast foods, I decided to actually start taking care of myself, eat healthy and start working out. I got a membership at my local gym and also signed up for a few personal training sessions (Mostly because I'm kind of a ditz when it comes to knowing how to work the weight lifting machines and I didn't want to make a fool out of myself.)

I figured I would be matched up with the stereotypical, boxy, scary muscled trainer like the ones you see on TV, so I didn't have to worry about being attracted to him (I specified that I wanted a male trainer because I think they push you harder.) Then came D-Day, the day I met my trainer and I was very surprised. He wasn't anything I had envisioned. Now he's not what I would call "thank-you-Jesus fine," but I do find him attractive. I was also intrigued by him because we share a very personal factor in common: we both lost our youngest sister's to serious diseases.

I instantly wanted to know more about him and I've extracted a little bit of information, but I'm not trying to come on too strong. Nothing makes for an awkward situation like hitting on someone you not only have to see regularly, but that you are also paying only to have them reject you. Still from what I've gathered, we have some interesting things in common.

My trainer-crush got me thinking about whether or not trainer's are even allowed to date their clients. After a little research (Surprisingly there were articles available on the subject), I found that there are no laws saying they can't date their clients, but gyms and fitness centers often create their own standards sternly warning against it.

I think I find this interesting because of two factors: 1) Personal training has to do with how our bodies look. Most times, when someone is interested in acquiring a personal trainer, it's because they want to make their bodies more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. A personal trainer has to take note of a person's body, analyze it and examine how it looks in order to best serve the client's needs. Considering this, isn't it just human nature every once in awhile to be attracted to to a client and vice versa? And 2) Most of the time, personal trainers are hot. And I think they kind of have to be...I mean, would you take a personal trainer seriously if he had a beer belly, a five o'clock shadow and appeared to be in desperate need of a shower?

Aside from this, there's the space factor. Trainers have to get in your bubble sometimes in order to properly train you. Now I'm not pro hooking-up-with-your-trainer here, but the majority of the articles I read seemed to completely disregard what I think is simply human nature. It's slightly similar to actors who hook up while on location shooting a movie.

I think the only thing that would concern me is how hooking up with your trainer would change the dynamic of your sessions. The power issue is at play here, because trainers have a sense of authority to their clients and it seems hooking up with them would humanize them in a way or demean that authority. The research that I read states that if a trainer is interested in a client, they should wait until they are not a client anymore to pursue it further. If the trainer/client relationship has already turned romantic, then the trainer needs to transfer the client to another trainer. I think I'm just fascinated by the dynamic of it all, the sensitive nature of something that in everyday life would seem harmless.

As far as my situation goes, I'm going to keep it professional. But if flirting on both parties starts to ensue, I'm not responsible for my actions :).

With Valentine's Day just one week away, it seems everyone is clamoring to find someone who will make them feel special and loved. I am finding within this build up before the big day, a trend is developing: receiving random text messages from people you previously dated or friends you no longer talk to.

I myself have received such text messages from two different people, one of which I dated a little over a year ago. Fielding these text messages has made me realize that this holiday does leave a lot of lonely hearts feeling even more inadequate and alone. This is the first Valentine's Day where I can honestly say that I have looked outside my own cupid-induced inadequacies to see other people suffering. And I must say, it pisses me off.

I hate to sound like a bitter single, but I hate that this holiday makes people feel like their lives are lacking without someone special. Now I don't know about you, but my Valentine's Day's were always awesome in elementary school because it was an equal playing field: everyone got a Valentine's Day card and candy from everyone else. No one ever had to face rejection. Who knows, maybe if our elementary school teachers forced us to be more selective and taught us how to face rejection then, it would be easier on us adults now.

Finding someone has become almost a competitive sport in today's society. It seems to me that there is something insinuated in everything from advertisements for dating Websites, to jewelry commercials to the Valentine's Day section of your local Hallmark store: If you are alone, your life must suck. But I am here to tell you, being single freakin rocks.

Kat Williams put it so eloquently in his special "Kat Williams Live" when he said something along the lines of: "Single people think their the sh*t. And we are, we really are. If your out and someone asks you 'when are you going home?' You say 'whenever the f**k I want to go home!'"

If your looking for some other positives about single life on this holiday besides the general greatness of it, consider these perks:

1. You save a ton of money because you don't have to go balls-to-the-wall purchasing gifts for someone else.

2. There isn't the added pressure of making sure your Valentine's Day is perfect; you can just relax and enjoy yourself.

3. There is nothing better then going out and getting completely sloshed with the rest of your single friends.

4. Best of all, Valentine's Day is just another day you get to treat yourself to some ridiculously indulgent things, whether it's some new clothes or that pricey gadget you've had your eye on.

I do hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day, whether your in a relationship or not. Regardless, don't let this holiday stress you out or affect your self worth. Remember it's just one day a year.