The Blind Date
There comes a time in every singles life where it becomes apparent that you haven't dated or had a serious relationship in a long time. This usually occurs when someone else points it out to you. And one way someone points it out to you is by suggesting a blind date.
And thus yesterday, that is how I became aware of my chronically single status.
My sister asked me if she could set me up on a blind date with a personal trainer at her gym. It was the first time I ever got the "Let me set you up on a blind date" line. As soon as she asked me, I cringed at the thought. Not just because the idea of subjecting myself to the scrutiny of someone who doesn't even know me sounds like torture, but because I know what being single at my age means now.
I am just weeks away from my 25th birthday. And though I am content being single (it took me awhile to get there), I can tell my family and friends want me to find someone and maybe even settle down a little bit. My three sisters are pretty much all dating or in a relationship with someone, even my parents have moved on to new relationships. And I am still single.
I think this troubles them the same way that it used to get to me. But before 2008 ended, I cleaned all of the skeletons of my past out of my closet and for the first time in years, I felt super comfortable being single. Now it's to the point where I prefer it. But I think it hurts me to see my family hurt for me because I'm alone.
I just wonder, is there a certain age when people expect you to settle down with someone? And why does it seem so weird when someone wants to focus on their goals, like work and school, instead of focusing on a romantic partner? And how much longer are people going to try and set me up on blind dates?
I figure when the right person comes along, it just happens, that's why I don't sweat it anymore. So I guess I just have to be prepared for more offers for blind dates. Then again, I do love a good personal trainer.....to be continued :)....
And thus yesterday, that is how I became aware of my chronically single status.
My sister asked me if she could set me up on a blind date with a personal trainer at her gym. It was the first time I ever got the "Let me set you up on a blind date" line. As soon as she asked me, I cringed at the thought. Not just because the idea of subjecting myself to the scrutiny of someone who doesn't even know me sounds like torture, but because I know what being single at my age means now.
I am just weeks away from my 25th birthday. And though I am content being single (it took me awhile to get there), I can tell my family and friends want me to find someone and maybe even settle down a little bit. My three sisters are pretty much all dating or in a relationship with someone, even my parents have moved on to new relationships. And I am still single.
I think this troubles them the same way that it used to get to me. But before 2008 ended, I cleaned all of the skeletons of my past out of my closet and for the first time in years, I felt super comfortable being single. Now it's to the point where I prefer it. But I think it hurts me to see my family hurt for me because I'm alone.
I just wonder, is there a certain age when people expect you to settle down with someone? And why does it seem so weird when someone wants to focus on their goals, like work and school, instead of focusing on a romantic partner? And how much longer are people going to try and set me up on blind dates?
I figure when the right person comes along, it just happens, that's why I don't sweat it anymore. So I guess I just have to be prepared for more offers for blind dates. Then again, I do love a good personal trainer.....to be continued :)....
Your Standards Are Too High When....
I recently read an article that talked about how the memories of your first love can interfere with all of your proceeding relationships. Specifically it stated that the power and the magic of first love can create a certain standard that all of your future relationships will have to live up to, resulting in unrealistic expectations. And thus, very high standards are born.
It's interesting how people end up with standards higher then Mount Everest. I find that usually reasons behind someones high standards fit into one of two categories: A) They were in a relationship where someone was so great to them, they expect that from every person they date or B) Their parents taught them that they deserve better than the best. I myself fall somewhere in the middle.
I've had some of those great dating experiences that set the bar pretty high for any other prospective suitors in my life. Not to mention, my parents did raise me to believe that I was, in the words of Christian Siriano from Project Runway, kind of a big deal. I am picky but I do consider myself to be pretty open minded-what can I say, I'll try anything once.
So how do you know if your raising the bar too high? Look out for these warning signs:
1. You refuse to date someone because of the tiniest physical imperfection.
Thick upper lip hair, fine. A protruding beer belly, okay I could understand that. But if your penalizing a guy for having hair in all the normal places, or a girl for having big feet, that's just picky and mean.
2. They're not enough like your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.
This is more common then you would think. Sometimes, individuals will find themselves attracted to someone because they remind them of a great ex they were once with. Usually in these cases, the ex was the one that did the breaking up. Well I have news for those in this situation: no one is ever going to be like that amazing ex. You'll have to either try to work it out with them or move on.
3. You immediately dump someone after finding out something about them that you "kind of" don't like.
Sometimes when your dating someone, you'll run into a speed bump I like to refer to as a deal breaker. Deal breakers for some include your prospect having a child, an ex they are still extremely close to, or having a recent televised profile on America's Most Wanted. But dumping someone whose hobbies might include playing video games or someone who might have an occasional yen for sushi and yoga? At that rate, you might as well get used to commiserating with that one online chat buddy you have that seems to understand you because your gonna be alone for awhile.
I hope this helps you re-evaluate whether or not your being too hard on your dating pool. Remember to take a good look at yourself and know that you, like your prospects, are not perfect. Try to be more open minded about what's out there-you might be surprised at what you find...or not...that's the fun thing about being open minded. Happy dating all!
It's interesting how people end up with standards higher then Mount Everest. I find that usually reasons behind someones high standards fit into one of two categories: A) They were in a relationship where someone was so great to them, they expect that from every person they date or B) Their parents taught them that they deserve better than the best. I myself fall somewhere in the middle.
I've had some of those great dating experiences that set the bar pretty high for any other prospective suitors in my life. Not to mention, my parents did raise me to believe that I was, in the words of Christian Siriano from Project Runway, kind of a big deal. I am picky but I do consider myself to be pretty open minded-what can I say, I'll try anything once.
So how do you know if your raising the bar too high? Look out for these warning signs:
1. You refuse to date someone because of the tiniest physical imperfection.
Thick upper lip hair, fine. A protruding beer belly, okay I could understand that. But if your penalizing a guy for having hair in all the normal places, or a girl for having big feet, that's just picky and mean.
2. They're not enough like your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.
This is more common then you would think. Sometimes, individuals will find themselves attracted to someone because they remind them of a great ex they were once with. Usually in these cases, the ex was the one that did the breaking up. Well I have news for those in this situation: no one is ever going to be like that amazing ex. You'll have to either try to work it out with them or move on.
3. You immediately dump someone after finding out something about them that you "kind of" don't like.
Sometimes when your dating someone, you'll run into a speed bump I like to refer to as a deal breaker. Deal breakers for some include your prospect having a child, an ex they are still extremely close to, or having a recent televised profile on America's Most Wanted. But dumping someone whose hobbies might include playing video games or someone who might have an occasional yen for sushi and yoga? At that rate, you might as well get used to commiserating with that one online chat buddy you have that seems to understand you because your gonna be alone for awhile.
I hope this helps you re-evaluate whether or not your being too hard on your dating pool. Remember to take a good look at yourself and know that you, like your prospects, are not perfect. Try to be more open minded about what's out there-you might be surprised at what you find...or not...that's the fun thing about being open minded. Happy dating all!
Sex And The Single: Do You Or Don't You?
I once had an English professor tell our entire class that, the longer a person is single, the more sexual partners they will rack up (why we were discussing this in an English class is beyond me.) This is a fact that single, sexually active people in their twenties and beyond will have to face. And once you factor in the risk of STD's and pregnancy as well as the desire for a deeper emotional connection with your sexual partner, having sex with someone your casually dating may not look like a viable option.
Knowing this, some adults practice abstinence. Now I think what intrigues me about the concept of already sexually active adults stopping their sexual activity is all of the stigmas that people seem to apply to it. Yeah, abstinence isn't a ton a fun, but many of the stereotypical reasons for partaking in it are not that widespread, especially when it comes to the 20 somethings age group.
One common misconception is that everyone who practices abstinence chooses to do so for religious reasons. Another misconception is that you have to be a virgin to practice abstinence. But the fact of the matter is, there are plenty of adults out there who were previously sexually active and decided to abstain from having sex...at least until the right person comes along. Now you might be asking, how do I know this? Well, for starters, I'm one of those people.
I haven't had a serious relationship in a little over two years now and since then I have dated a few guys. And though I did allow myself to be intimate with some of them, I found that I was unfulfilled because none of them turned out to be long term relationship prospects. I used to be a very sexually liberated thinker when it came to satisfying your needs even if your not in a committed relationship with someone. But I suppose since I have gotten older, it doesn't seem worth it to give myself sexually to someone who doesn't have deeper feelings for me and vice versa. So I decided to abstain. Clearly, I'm not a virgin and though I am a person of faith, I did not decide to abstain for any religious reasons.
Some minor slip ups aside, I have been abstinent for almost a year now. Mind you, I am a woman who very much enjoys sex and anything sexual so it has not been easy by any means. But I definitely have and continue to gain piece of mind knowing that I am not only being safer, but am also waiting for the right person as well as a committed relationship. So how do you decide if abstinence is right for you?
One thing you have to understand is that it's going to take commitment. As I have experienced, there will be many chances to give in to your temptations and especially after a number of months has passed, it's not always easy to say no. Since Mrs. or Mr. Right is not always around the corner, make sure you can confidently make that commitment for the long haul.
And what happens if you do meet someone? Explaining to someone that you are abstaining from sex until your in a relationship can be difficult because you don't want to scare off or intimidate someone you really like. If your comfortable divulging you abstinent status, just be real and honest about your reasons. In the case you are not comfortable, just let that person know that you really want to wait until your in an exclusive dating arrangement with them to have sex. Sometimes using the word "abstinence" is what throws people off.
And for the record, I think another fallacy about abstinence is that women are the only ones participating in it. But guess what? The only other abstinent people I've met have been men. Chew on that for a bit.
Hopefully this helps you pass that proverbial fork in the road between staying sexually active or taking up abstinence. And for those who decide to take the scenic sexually active route, remember, protect yourself. Or as I like to say "Wrap that rascal!" Happy dating all!
Knowing this, some adults practice abstinence. Now I think what intrigues me about the concept of already sexually active adults stopping their sexual activity is all of the stigmas that people seem to apply to it. Yeah, abstinence isn't a ton a fun, but many of the stereotypical reasons for partaking in it are not that widespread, especially when it comes to the 20 somethings age group.
One common misconception is that everyone who practices abstinence chooses to do so for religious reasons. Another misconception is that you have to be a virgin to practice abstinence. But the fact of the matter is, there are plenty of adults out there who were previously sexually active and decided to abstain from having sex...at least until the right person comes along. Now you might be asking, how do I know this? Well, for starters, I'm one of those people.
I haven't had a serious relationship in a little over two years now and since then I have dated a few guys. And though I did allow myself to be intimate with some of them, I found that I was unfulfilled because none of them turned out to be long term relationship prospects. I used to be a very sexually liberated thinker when it came to satisfying your needs even if your not in a committed relationship with someone. But I suppose since I have gotten older, it doesn't seem worth it to give myself sexually to someone who doesn't have deeper feelings for me and vice versa. So I decided to abstain. Clearly, I'm not a virgin and though I am a person of faith, I did not decide to abstain for any religious reasons.
Some minor slip ups aside, I have been abstinent for almost a year now. Mind you, I am a woman who very much enjoys sex and anything sexual so it has not been easy by any means. But I definitely have and continue to gain piece of mind knowing that I am not only being safer, but am also waiting for the right person as well as a committed relationship. So how do you decide if abstinence is right for you?
One thing you have to understand is that it's going to take commitment. As I have experienced, there will be many chances to give in to your temptations and especially after a number of months has passed, it's not always easy to say no. Since Mrs. or Mr. Right is not always around the corner, make sure you can confidently make that commitment for the long haul.
And what happens if you do meet someone? Explaining to someone that you are abstaining from sex until your in a relationship can be difficult because you don't want to scare off or intimidate someone you really like. If your comfortable divulging you abstinent status, just be real and honest about your reasons. In the case you are not comfortable, just let that person know that you really want to wait until your in an exclusive dating arrangement with them to have sex. Sometimes using the word "abstinence" is what throws people off.
And for the record, I think another fallacy about abstinence is that women are the only ones participating in it. But guess what? The only other abstinent people I've met have been men. Chew on that for a bit.
Hopefully this helps you pass that proverbial fork in the road between staying sexually active or taking up abstinence. And for those who decide to take the scenic sexually active route, remember, protect yourself. Or as I like to say "Wrap that rascal!" Happy dating all!
The Beginning Stages of Dating
You know what I hate? The awkwardness that exists when you just start getting to know someone. Specifically when you start to really like someone and you have no idea about how you should pursue it further. You frequently wonder, "How often should I call him/her? Should I ask him/her to hang out, or should I just wait for him/her to ask? What if I pursue him/her too much and end up looking like a freakin desperate nutbag?"
This experience varies for guys and girls, which is often why things get lost in translation, so to speak. The big theory in scoring your Mr. or Ms. Right Now and transitioning into an exclusive dating arrangement is this: you have to play games to get there. In my experience, playing games just results in the situation stalling or imploding.
So how do you pursue someone while avoiding the game-playing route or if you just have no game? I came up with some of my own suggestions:
1. Find a balance between pursuance and relaxation.
This experience varies for guys and girls, which is often why things get lost in translation, so to speak. The big theory in scoring your Mr. or Ms. Right Now and transitioning into an exclusive dating arrangement is this: you have to play games to get there. In my experience, playing games just results in the situation stalling or imploding.
So how do you pursue someone while avoiding the game-playing route or if you just have no game? I came up with some of my own suggestions:
1. Find a balance between pursuance and relaxation.
This is the hardest thing of all to master. It's my observation that when you really like someone and are interested in having a relationship with this someone, there is a slight sense of urgency; almost like you have to snag them quickly before someone else does. And it's hard for me to even admit but this sense of urgency often stems from our own insecurities(i.e., "Do they like me? Am I good enough for them?," etc). It's easy when you don't know any better to either call/text/email someone too much or not communicate enough. I think at least hitting someone with a text every two to three days is sufficient. A simple "How is your day going?" can actually go a long way. The best way to figure out if the other party is genuinely interested is if communication between you two gradually progresses from text messages and emails, to phone conversations and face-to-face encounters. If over a period of time your continuing to communicate with a person, say two weeks to a month and you feel like your not getting the same amount of communication back, it's time to move on.
2. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Do you know one great way to get better at dating and increase your game? Practice, practice, practice! Sometimes we get so excited about one great person that we've just started getting to know that all of our our romantic focus and attention goes on that one person. And when you go gaga like that for one gal or guy, it's easy to develop anxiety when you don't hear from them or they don't seem to be into you. You have to get out there, expand your horizons and meet new people. If your unclear about how to do that, a great way is to get involved in some type of volunteer work (Habitat for Humanity is a good example). Also, asking friends to set you up with one of their friends is another way. Now all though I am extremely guilty of this myself, I have to provide you with this disclaimer: Try to avoid meeting new people at clubs or bars. Sometimes this is unavoidable and I have heard success stories, but more often than not people you end up meeting while your getting snokered at the bar or club only have potential for one thing. So if your interested in more than that one thing, try to abstain from it as much as possible.
3. Don't be afraid to be who you are.
I find in the beginning stages of dating, people either hide things about themselves or tell little white lies to make themselves look better or more desirable to their hypothetical amour. Now I know I probably sound like every dating advice column when I say this, but you have to have confidence in yourself. You have to know that you, flaws and all, are a great catch and that they would be lucky to have you. The fact is, when that person got your number and started communicating with you, they saw something they liked. Have faith in yourself and don't be afraid to reveal something because your afraid it might change how they see you. The one you ultimately end up in a fulfilling relationship with is going to be the one who loves and accepts who you truly are inside. The one that can't accept you for who you are is not the right one for you.
I hope this assists those out there in taking their first wobbly steps toward what could be a great dating experience. And don't worry, I'm right along side of you blindly stumbling down the same path. Be brave. Happy dating all!
Damn The Seattle Times
So I just found another article about my guilty pleasure of surifng Craigslist ads. It's almost the exact same thing I had just blogged about. Do you see where I would be if I was actually an employed writer?
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2008639534_platonic17m.html
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2008639534_platonic17m.html
The Infamous Article
Okay, so I posted the link to the article which is responsible for my guilty pleasure: cruising the Craigslist.com personals. Maybe after you read it, you too will end up surfing these ads out of curiosity....
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28057143/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28057143/
Friends Becoming Lovers
Recently, I've been thinking about how friends, specifically male and female sets of friends, become more than friends. This can be a sticky and delicate situation, depending on the nature of the friendship. Now I don't consider myself an expert in every dating situation, but if there is any situation I am very knowledgable on, it's this one. I've been there enough times to know it should be handled carefully, but to know how to handle it really depends on how your friendship started in the first place.
I think one of the most common ways male/female friendships start is through dating. Maybe you were dating a girl or guy and it didn't end up working out, but they were such great people that you decided to stay friends. However sometimes, you can be friends with a guy/girl and over a certain period of time, feelings develop. This is where things get tricky. And unfortunately, I've been there a couple of times.
I have a lot of guy friends, but there was one in particular I was friends with for a long time. He and I talked and confided in each other about some of our most personal feelings and experiences. I did not start out having feelings for him but over time, I realized what an amazing guy he was. It took me a long time to see it but when I finally did, I wasn't sure what to do.
Sadly, I let my cowardess get the best of me and I never told him how I felt. The fact is, I cared about him so much as a friend that I wasn't willing to jepordize our friendship in order to find out if he might feel the same way.
It did get me thinking though, if you do get the courage to tell a friend that you have deeper feelings for them, what is the best way to do that? I came up with some of my own guidelines:
1. Evaluate whether or not you are willing to take the risk.
In a friendship, there is a certain comfort level already established because you have shared things with that person and been there for each other. But the important thing to understand if you decide to confess romantic feelings to a friend is that romantic feelings come with a completely new territory. And it might be a territory that your friend is not entirely comfortable seeing you in. You have to evaluate two things in this situation: A) How they might react. If you are good enough friends with someone, you should be able to gauge how they will respond once you tell them how you feel and B)Whether you're willing to risk the friendship. This is a hard reality, but sometimes after amorous feelings have been put out there, things can get so awkward that the friendship eventually ends. You have to determine whether you are willing to either sacrifice the friendship to find out if he/she has feelings for you, or sacrifice your feelings in order to maintain your friendship. Evaluating these factors will provide you with an airbag against any negative results.
2. Figure out the best way to concede your true feelings.
Confessing to someone that you have romantic feelings for them is never easy. But once you have summoned up the courage to do so (and God bless those that do), you want to make sure that you say everything you need to say and express it clearly so the other person understands where your coming from. One thing that helps me in any confession-of-feelings type situation is writing them a letter or email. By going this route, you have the option of editing what you want to say while at the same time saying everything that you need to. Sometimes in a face to face interaction like this, we get so nervous that we forget to say something really important. If you are brave enough to sit down and express your feelings in person, don't be afraid to make a list of everything you want to talk about or write them a letter and read it to them. Most importantly, make it clear what your intentions are for your friendship, whether you want to remain friends with that person or not.
I hope this helps someone out there conquer their fears and finally find out how someone may or may not feel about them. The thing is, you will never know until you ask.....and sometimes risks like this can pay off in even greater ways then you've ever imagined. Sorry for the corny fairy tale ending, but it's true dammit. Happy dating all!
I think one of the most common ways male/female friendships start is through dating. Maybe you were dating a girl or guy and it didn't end up working out, but they were such great people that you decided to stay friends. However sometimes, you can be friends with a guy/girl and over a certain period of time, feelings develop. This is where things get tricky. And unfortunately, I've been there a couple of times.
I have a lot of guy friends, but there was one in particular I was friends with for a long time. He and I talked and confided in each other about some of our most personal feelings and experiences. I did not start out having feelings for him but over time, I realized what an amazing guy he was. It took me a long time to see it but when I finally did, I wasn't sure what to do.
Sadly, I let my cowardess get the best of me and I never told him how I felt. The fact is, I cared about him so much as a friend that I wasn't willing to jepordize our friendship in order to find out if he might feel the same way.
It did get me thinking though, if you do get the courage to tell a friend that you have deeper feelings for them, what is the best way to do that? I came up with some of my own guidelines:
1. Evaluate whether or not you are willing to take the risk.
In a friendship, there is a certain comfort level already established because you have shared things with that person and been there for each other. But the important thing to understand if you decide to confess romantic feelings to a friend is that romantic feelings come with a completely new territory. And it might be a territory that your friend is not entirely comfortable seeing you in. You have to evaluate two things in this situation: A) How they might react. If you are good enough friends with someone, you should be able to gauge how they will respond once you tell them how you feel and B)Whether you're willing to risk the friendship. This is a hard reality, but sometimes after amorous feelings have been put out there, things can get so awkward that the friendship eventually ends. You have to determine whether you are willing to either sacrifice the friendship to find out if he/she has feelings for you, or sacrifice your feelings in order to maintain your friendship. Evaluating these factors will provide you with an airbag against any negative results.
2. Figure out the best way to concede your true feelings.
Confessing to someone that you have romantic feelings for them is never easy. But once you have summoned up the courage to do so (and God bless those that do), you want to make sure that you say everything you need to say and express it clearly so the other person understands where your coming from. One thing that helps me in any confession-of-feelings type situation is writing them a letter or email. By going this route, you have the option of editing what you want to say while at the same time saying everything that you need to. Sometimes in a face to face interaction like this, we get so nervous that we forget to say something really important. If you are brave enough to sit down and express your feelings in person, don't be afraid to make a list of everything you want to talk about or write them a letter and read it to them. Most importantly, make it clear what your intentions are for your friendship, whether you want to remain friends with that person or not.
I hope this helps someone out there conquer their fears and finally find out how someone may or may not feel about them. The thing is, you will never know until you ask.....and sometimes risks like this can pay off in even greater ways then you've ever imagined. Sorry for the corny fairy tale ending, but it's true dammit. Happy dating all!
My Guilty Pleasure
I recently read an article written by a young female journalist writing for "Today" about how she found a life on Craigslist. In the article, she goes in depth about how she was able to find jobs, apartments, furniture and even eventually, a man. Her early success in finding these things led to a Craigslist-perusing obsession and she was constantly on the Website, voicing her opinions on the discussion boards and buying a bunch of crap she didn't need from whom ever was selling it.
What stood out to me in all of this was the "finding a boyfriend on Craigslist" part. Apparently, she began cruising the "Platonic" section of the Website looking for friends when she first moved to New York, and that's how she met her current beau. This intrigued me because I, like her, have pretty much found the big, important things, like a job and an apartment, on Craigslist.
So it got me thinking, can you really find a girlfriend/boyfriend on Craigslist?
The fact of the matter is, I would never have the guts to post an ad in the Platonic section or otherwise. I'm a firm believer in face to face meetings...hell, even the thought of a blind date makes me queezy.
But just out of curiosity, I started looking looking at these ads. At first when I looked at the Men Seeking Women section, I was horrified at some of the ads that I found. Some of them were incredibly derogatory. But the more I began to look at the ads in all the sections, I realized it was a lot like slowing down to look at a car crash: you know it's wrong, but you can't help but look. And for the most part, the people who have pictures accompanying the ads look pretty normal.
It says something to me about loneliness. Looking at some of the ads, I couldn't help but feel bad. Some of them just seemed like they wanted a friend to talk to (that could be me being naive). But these ads also say something about advertising yourself; whether your saying "I can make a great friend," "I can make a great boyfriend/girlfriend" or "I can make a great lover." And I might be a prude for saying this, but the fact that someone can advertise their search for a friend, etc. the same way they can advertise for a job or a piece of furniture is astounding to me.
Still, I will continue to look through the ads with that same mixture of horror and curiosity, all the while feeling guilty....
What stood out to me in all of this was the "finding a boyfriend on Craigslist" part. Apparently, she began cruising the "Platonic" section of the Website looking for friends when she first moved to New York, and that's how she met her current beau. This intrigued me because I, like her, have pretty much found the big, important things, like a job and an apartment, on Craigslist.
So it got me thinking, can you really find a girlfriend/boyfriend on Craigslist?
The fact of the matter is, I would never have the guts to post an ad in the Platonic section or otherwise. I'm a firm believer in face to face meetings...hell, even the thought of a blind date makes me queezy.
But just out of curiosity, I started looking looking at these ads. At first when I looked at the Men Seeking Women section, I was horrified at some of the ads that I found. Some of them were incredibly derogatory. But the more I began to look at the ads in all the sections, I realized it was a lot like slowing down to look at a car crash: you know it's wrong, but you can't help but look. And for the most part, the people who have pictures accompanying the ads look pretty normal.
It says something to me about loneliness. Looking at some of the ads, I couldn't help but feel bad. Some of them just seemed like they wanted a friend to talk to (that could be me being naive). But these ads also say something about advertising yourself; whether your saying "I can make a great friend," "I can make a great boyfriend/girlfriend" or "I can make a great lover." And I might be a prude for saying this, but the fact that someone can advertise their search for a friend, etc. the same way they can advertise for a job or a piece of furniture is astounding to me.
Still, I will continue to look through the ads with that same mixture of horror and curiosity, all the while feeling guilty....
Soundtrack of My Love Life
Take notice of the songs to the right. This is a small list I compiled of make-up, break up and hook up songs I like and thought some of you might also like. I will add and subtract different songs from the list as time goes on. For your listening pleasure.....enjoy!!
The Valentine's Day Dash Has Begun
And so it has already begun....that frantic time where singles are crunched to find a Valentine between now and February 14th . I have already heard the incessant rumblings of that rush to meet someone new so they too can get they're candy and bouquet of flowers and prove that they are in fact, desirable.
In case you haven't caught it yet, when it comes to this holiday, I'm a pessimist.
Maybe it's because I have ever only had a Valentine twice in my lifetime...and both times were disasters. Maybe it's because I am traumatized from my sixth grade experience when I asked a guy to be my boyfriend on this very holiday with a Valentine-O-Gram sent to his classroom and he had a classmate meet me and tell me "he said no" (that one stung a little bit.) But honestly, I think it's because I am one of those singles on that crunch.
Now I pride myself on being an independent person, not necessarily wanting or needing a relationship. But it's my belief that Valentine's Day brings out a truth in everyone that not a lot of people want to confront: No one really wants to be alone. On this holiday, that reality is thrust into our faces and we have no choice but to deal with it in some way, whether we are successful in our pursuit of a Valentine or not. And even for the most experienced single, this is, for lack of a better term, a hard pill to swallow.
I have no idea how I feel about this upcoming Valentine's Day. If I do end up with a Valentine, I'd like to keep it low key....maybe just cook dinner together and hang out in front of the old boob tube and talk. That brings me to another warning I want to bring to everyone's attention......if you have a Valentine...are you listening?.....DON'T OVER DO IT!!! (Ladies, this is mostly targeted towards you.) Sometimes, we are so exicted to have a Valentine that we go psycho about everything being perfect (I'm speaking from unfortunate experience.) Just remember, underneath all of that commercialized mumbo jumbo, your celebrating being in the presence of that other person. Don't worry too much about all the details of the day and just go with the flow.
Now this brings me to my warning for men.....if your intended says she doesn't care about Valentine's Day or she says she wants to pretend like it's not even Valentine's Day, she's lying. Truth is, she is expecting you to come up with some creative way to celebrate that day with her, whether it's a special dinner, a poem you wrote for her, or just spilling your guts about how much she means to you. At the very least, us women expect some flowers and a card. If you don't do any of the above, especially after she has done something for you, get used to the dog house being your permanent residence.
As for those single twenty somethings out there who are still card-carrying members of the Lonely Hearts Club, don't fret. There is still plenty of time to ask that guy or girl you've been flirting with on the sly to be your Valentine. And if you don't end up with someone on this holiday, there will be plenty of days in the year where you probably will have someone.
And remember, I'm a member too.
Happy dating all!
In case you haven't caught it yet, when it comes to this holiday, I'm a pessimist.
Maybe it's because I have ever only had a Valentine twice in my lifetime...and both times were disasters. Maybe it's because I am traumatized from my sixth grade experience when I asked a guy to be my boyfriend on this very holiday with a Valentine-O-Gram sent to his classroom and he had a classmate meet me and tell me "he said no" (that one stung a little bit.) But honestly, I think it's because I am one of those singles on that crunch.
Now I pride myself on being an independent person, not necessarily wanting or needing a relationship. But it's my belief that Valentine's Day brings out a truth in everyone that not a lot of people want to confront: No one really wants to be alone. On this holiday, that reality is thrust into our faces and we have no choice but to deal with it in some way, whether we are successful in our pursuit of a Valentine or not. And even for the most experienced single, this is, for lack of a better term, a hard pill to swallow.
I have no idea how I feel about this upcoming Valentine's Day. If I do end up with a Valentine, I'd like to keep it low key....maybe just cook dinner together and hang out in front of the old boob tube and talk. That brings me to another warning I want to bring to everyone's attention......if you have a Valentine...are you listening?.....DON'T OVER DO IT!!! (Ladies, this is mostly targeted towards you.) Sometimes, we are so exicted to have a Valentine that we go psycho about everything being perfect (I'm speaking from unfortunate experience.) Just remember, underneath all of that commercialized mumbo jumbo, your celebrating being in the presence of that other person. Don't worry too much about all the details of the day and just go with the flow.
Now this brings me to my warning for men.....if your intended says she doesn't care about Valentine's Day or she says she wants to pretend like it's not even Valentine's Day, she's lying. Truth is, she is expecting you to come up with some creative way to celebrate that day with her, whether it's a special dinner, a poem you wrote for her, or just spilling your guts about how much she means to you. At the very least, us women expect some flowers and a card. If you don't do any of the above, especially after she has done something for you, get used to the dog house being your permanent residence.
As for those single twenty somethings out there who are still card-carrying members of the Lonely Hearts Club, don't fret. There is still plenty of time to ask that guy or girl you've been flirting with on the sly to be your Valentine. And if you don't end up with someone on this holiday, there will be plenty of days in the year where you probably will have someone.
And remember, I'm a member too.
Happy dating all!
Waiting For The First Call.....Or Text
I recently had an experience where I was waiting for a guy I had recently met to call me. He was the first single, attractive and seemingly stable guy I had met in ages so naturally I was a little excited about it. Three days passed...still no phone call or text message. It got me thinking about the 'phone call waiting game.' How long after you meet someone do you wait to contact them? After asking around, I found that men and women have different ideas about the waiting period. Judging from the few opinions I got from the women's point of view, some women believe that 2-3 days is the standard time to wait to contact someone...at least that's what they expect from the guy who got their number. Some women even believe that if a guy doesn't send you a text message that same night simply saying something like "Glad I got to talk to you," they are just plain rude. The men I spoke to on the other hand say it depends on a couple of different factors: A) What day they met you. Say for example if they met you on a Friday, some guys will wait until that next Friday to call you so they can set up a time to hang out with you. Waiting for the weekend can be seen as more convenient. And then there's B) Whether there is any sports on that week. Now I know most women think this is a bs excuse (that was my first reaction), but the guys I talked to take it seriously. Once again, if you met on a Friday, any major televised sports events happening over the weekend could hinder them from dialing your number. But the general consensus I got from every guy I talked to is this: There is no standard time you wait to call someone after you've met them, contrary to popular belief.
By the way, the guy I gave my number to ended up being a tool and gave my number to his friend who in turn tried to text me for a booty call on Christmas Eve no less. Needless to say he got an ear full from not only me, but my friends as well. Until next time...
By the way, the guy I gave my number to ended up being a tool and gave my number to his friend who in turn tried to text me for a booty call on Christmas Eve no less. Needless to say he got an ear full from not only me, but my friends as well. Until next time...
