Is This Love That I'm Feeling?
I just wanna say I really like your blog. I think the work that you're doing is
special. Anytime someone does something out of the goodness of their heart for the benefit of others, I'm convince that they're doing something special. So I respect and admire that fact. My situation is that I recently met a young lady through an online dating site. I think she's everything that I've wanted in a woman. Truthfully, I'm very picky. That's why I'm still single, I guess. I've got this profile for perfection in my head. She's got to be intelligent, attractive, sense of humor,avant-guarde, most importantly have a community spirit, someone who's genuinely friendly. From what I gather, she meets and sometimes exceeds all these expectations. But........always a but. I just found out that she just recently broke up with her ex. I mean I don't know all the details. But I imagine that means she might not be especially open for a relationship. I'm afraid if I push, she'll just have these walls up because she needs healing. At the same time, I don't know if I should wait. I mean she hasn't really express a very strong interest either. So I'm a bit in limbo. What makes it even worse is that she lives really far? So I'm not sure what to do. What do you think? Should I move on? How do I encourage her to get to know me? I'm a little bit nervous. Am I taking the risk of being a 'rebound'? I don't think I've felt like this since high school. It's kinda weird!
~Joe
Dear Joe:
Only time will tell in this situation. I love the excitement you experience when you first meet someone that you think you could really be with. Often times when we experience that though, we run the risk of being too eager. Especially because she just broke up with her ex and she lives far away, I would say approach this situation with trepidation.
Another thing we have a tendency to do when we really like someone is we put all of our eggs in one basket, banking all of our dating hopes and dreams on that one person. Then if it doesn't work out, the disappointment can be quite the downer. Don't be afraid to keep putting yourself out there and dating other people. You might find a situation that will work better for you in the process.
Whatever happens with your situation, remember that your a catch...that's the mentality you have to have. Don't take it personally if things don't work out with this one. If I've learned anything, it's that when things in life don't work out, it's because something better is waiting for you down the line. Good luck my friend!
~LaLa
special. Anytime someone does something out of the goodness of their heart for the benefit of others, I'm convince that they're doing something special. So I respect and admire that fact. My situation is that I recently met a young lady through an online dating site. I think she's everything that I've wanted in a woman. Truthfully, I'm very picky. That's why I'm still single, I guess. I've got this profile for perfection in my head. She's got to be intelligent, attractive, sense of humor,avant-guarde, most importantly have a community spirit, someone who's genuinely friendly. From what I gather, she meets and sometimes exceeds all these expectations. But........always a but. I just found out that she just recently broke up with her ex. I mean I don't know all the details. But I imagine that means she might not be especially open for a relationship. I'm afraid if I push, she'll just have these walls up because she needs healing. At the same time, I don't know if I should wait. I mean she hasn't really express a very strong interest either. So I'm a bit in limbo. What makes it even worse is that she lives really far? So I'm not sure what to do. What do you think? Should I move on? How do I encourage her to get to know me? I'm a little bit nervous. Am I taking the risk of being a 'rebound'? I don't think I've felt like this since high school. It's kinda weird!
~Joe
Dear Joe:
Only time will tell in this situation. I love the excitement you experience when you first meet someone that you think you could really be with. Often times when we experience that though, we run the risk of being too eager. Especially because she just broke up with her ex and she lives far away, I would say approach this situation with trepidation.
Another thing we have a tendency to do when we really like someone is we put all of our eggs in one basket, banking all of our dating hopes and dreams on that one person. Then if it doesn't work out, the disappointment can be quite the downer. Don't be afraid to keep putting yourself out there and dating other people. You might find a situation that will work better for you in the process.
Whatever happens with your situation, remember that your a catch...that's the mentality you have to have. Don't take it personally if things don't work out with this one. If I've learned anything, it's that when things in life don't work out, it's because something better is waiting for you down the line. Good luck my friend!
~LaLa
Beauty Is Only Skin Deep....Right?
So I have committed the cardinal sin in the blogging world: I left my blog idle while I was living life. For shame, forgive me. I'll try not to do that again.
It's been a month of interesting and unexpected changes. My ex and I had another round and I even brought him home to meet the family before we finally parted ways for good. I had to face some harsh realities after our last bout; the fact is, I am guilty of the same crime that a lot of women are guilty of-I have a tendency to date the same person over and over again.
Obviously I am talking more figuratively then literally, but all the same, I do it. Now I try not to write blogs that are specifically targeted towards one sex, but I find I must do it in this case.
I think a lot of women, once they have been through relationship after relationship after relationship, try to figure out where they are going wrong. Women are the denial queens; they deny they pick the wrong men, ignore red flags and even when they know that a problem exists, they refuse to do anything to change it, hoping maybe a change will just happen naturally.
I have made a practice of this myself. I have also found that I choose men probably the same way that men choose women-judging how physically attractive I find them. Now physical attraction is a natural characteristic that everyone looks for in a mate. But I have gotten to the point that if I don't find a man physically attractive, I can't date him. That dog just won't hunt.
Part of this probably comes from the fact that I have been spoiled. I have dated some pretty good looking men in my time. But I am also attracted to good looking men with a sense of accomplishment. I've dated pro athletes, musicians, advertising executives, military men. All good looking and all with a strong sense of ambition.
But the thing they have in common is how the relationships end. And it boils down to one simple fact: I'm picking the wrong men.
Of course this realization leads me to other questions, but the one that continues to boggle my mind is "If your attracted to a certain kind of person, but you can't seem to have a successful relationship with that type, how do you change what your attracted to?" It's a question that I'm having a hell of a time answering.
Now I'm not here to brag about all of the attractive men that I have dated, though I have to admit I've been very lucky. The fact is, I would trade in every attractive guy that I have ever known for a fulfilling relationship, whether it was with an accomplished man or Joe Schmo. I've just been trying to figure out, if what your attracted to doesn't work, how do you change what naturally gets you going?
I'm on a quest to find answers to this questions because I want to know if you can change it and how to go about that. One thing I attempted to do recently was date some men that I found less attractive-I thought that was the natural progression in changing but before my ass could even sit down at a restaurant for a first date, I was out of there.
I know I sound like a superficial, pretentious boob right now. I definitely feel like one even admitting something like this. But that is the first step to overcoming denial...admitting you have a problem.
It's been a month of interesting and unexpected changes. My ex and I had another round and I even brought him home to meet the family before we finally parted ways for good. I had to face some harsh realities after our last bout; the fact is, I am guilty of the same crime that a lot of women are guilty of-I have a tendency to date the same person over and over again.
Obviously I am talking more figuratively then literally, but all the same, I do it. Now I try not to write blogs that are specifically targeted towards one sex, but I find I must do it in this case.
I think a lot of women, once they have been through relationship after relationship after relationship, try to figure out where they are going wrong. Women are the denial queens; they deny they pick the wrong men, ignore red flags and even when they know that a problem exists, they refuse to do anything to change it, hoping maybe a change will just happen naturally.
I have made a practice of this myself. I have also found that I choose men probably the same way that men choose women-judging how physically attractive I find them. Now physical attraction is a natural characteristic that everyone looks for in a mate. But I have gotten to the point that if I don't find a man physically attractive, I can't date him. That dog just won't hunt.
Part of this probably comes from the fact that I have been spoiled. I have dated some pretty good looking men in my time. But I am also attracted to good looking men with a sense of accomplishment. I've dated pro athletes, musicians, advertising executives, military men. All good looking and all with a strong sense of ambition.
But the thing they have in common is how the relationships end. And it boils down to one simple fact: I'm picking the wrong men.
Of course this realization leads me to other questions, but the one that continues to boggle my mind is "If your attracted to a certain kind of person, but you can't seem to have a successful relationship with that type, how do you change what your attracted to?" It's a question that I'm having a hell of a time answering.
Now I'm not here to brag about all of the attractive men that I have dated, though I have to admit I've been very lucky. The fact is, I would trade in every attractive guy that I have ever known for a fulfilling relationship, whether it was with an accomplished man or Joe Schmo. I've just been trying to figure out, if what your attracted to doesn't work, how do you change what naturally gets you going?
I'm on a quest to find answers to this questions because I want to know if you can change it and how to go about that. One thing I attempted to do recently was date some men that I found less attractive-I thought that was the natural progression in changing but before my ass could even sit down at a restaurant for a first date, I was out of there.
I know I sound like a superficial, pretentious boob right now. I definitely feel like one even admitting something like this. But that is the first step to overcoming denial...admitting you have a problem.
