You, Me And The In Between
Aside from the beginning stages of dating, you know what else really grinds my gears? That in between phase that exists where your not quite exclusive but your not quite nonexclusive with someone. When your dating and you begin acting like a couple but when someone asks you who that guy or girl is you don't really know how to answer.
Whoever said dating is supposed to be an enjoyable experience clearly never experienced it. For a woman, dating can be a stressful experience, especially when we're seeing someone we really like. We just want things to go well so a relationship can be formulated. If only things were that black and white. I think the biggest thing I wonder while attending this circus called "My So-Called Dating Life" is, what is the tipping point that takes you from potential couple to exclusive duo?
Dozens of relationship articles have been written about it. But what is the defining factor that ultimately defines the relationship? It's my opinion that in the majority of potential relationships out there, one person has what you might call "the upper-hand." Now "the upper-hand" is often in the form of baggage that has to be worked around in order to maintain the relationship (whether it's a previous bad relationship, baby mommas drama or that long criminal wrap sheet, just to throw a few out there.) So the equation is simple-the person with the most baggage dictates the course of the relationship-the other person has to work around and accept that baggage, or walk away.
This is an incredibly frustrating rule, one that ultimately makes or breaks relationships. But does that mean the tipping point is when the person with the most baggage decides the person they're dating can handle their baggage?
This is what I think about a lot of times...the anatomy of a relationship, how it begins, what happens throughout the duration and how it ends. Though many of these situations are related to my own personal dating life, I still think about these things when it's not. This is one mystery I have yet to solve.
Of course every situation is going to be different, so every potential couple arrangement probably has different tipping points. I think the biggest tipping point where I decide if someone is relationship material is when I face a trial or tribulation with someone and make it through; whether it's your first big disagreement, or dealing with family situations or even distance. I think once you get over that first big hump, whatever it is, you might be able to make it through many more together. That's what gets me because one of the biggest benefits of a relationship is having someone support you and have your back.
For anyone out there in an "in between" situation, I advise you to hang in there because I know I am. The fact is, only time will tell if a relationship will grow from your current set up. The good thing is, if your using your head and if the person your dating is ultimately a negative presence in your life, it shouldn't take too long to figure that out. Happy dating all!
Whoever said dating is supposed to be an enjoyable experience clearly never experienced it. For a woman, dating can be a stressful experience, especially when we're seeing someone we really like. We just want things to go well so a relationship can be formulated. If only things were that black and white. I think the biggest thing I wonder while attending this circus called "My So-Called Dating Life" is, what is the tipping point that takes you from potential couple to exclusive duo?
Dozens of relationship articles have been written about it. But what is the defining factor that ultimately defines the relationship? It's my opinion that in the majority of potential relationships out there, one person has what you might call "the upper-hand." Now "the upper-hand" is often in the form of baggage that has to be worked around in order to maintain the relationship (whether it's a previous bad relationship, baby mommas drama or that long criminal wrap sheet, just to throw a few out there.) So the equation is simple-the person with the most baggage dictates the course of the relationship-the other person has to work around and accept that baggage, or walk away.
This is an incredibly frustrating rule, one that ultimately makes or breaks relationships. But does that mean the tipping point is when the person with the most baggage decides the person they're dating can handle their baggage?
This is what I think about a lot of times...the anatomy of a relationship, how it begins, what happens throughout the duration and how it ends. Though many of these situations are related to my own personal dating life, I still think about these things when it's not. This is one mystery I have yet to solve.
Of course every situation is going to be different, so every potential couple arrangement probably has different tipping points. I think the biggest tipping point where I decide if someone is relationship material is when I face a trial or tribulation with someone and make it through; whether it's your first big disagreement, or dealing with family situations or even distance. I think once you get over that first big hump, whatever it is, you might be able to make it through many more together. That's what gets me because one of the biggest benefits of a relationship is having someone support you and have your back.
For anyone out there in an "in between" situation, I advise you to hang in there because I know I am. The fact is, only time will tell if a relationship will grow from your current set up. The good thing is, if your using your head and if the person your dating is ultimately a negative presence in your life, it shouldn't take too long to figure that out. Happy dating all!
The Rebound
In the dictionary, the word rebound is defined as "to bound or spring back from force of impact." So then it is no wonder why the same word is used when you began dating someone after a break up-your rebounding from the force of impact or the blow you were dealt during a break up.
But what exactly constitutes a rebound? I wondered this in my own dating situation. The guy I am currently dating suffered a break up not too long before he and I started dating a second time. So does that make me a rebound?
When debating this, it seems that time is the overall determining factor. How long did your current love interest wait before they started dating you? And is being a rebound actually a bad thing?
I think every situation is different. In my opinion there are good rebounds and bad rebounds. Rebounds of the good kind can occur after a break up where the relationship was particularly negative and draining and it's a relief that it's over. If your lucky enough to find someone that makes you happy so quickly after a disastrous relationship, more power to you. But if it's apparent that your using someone to make yourself feel better or "help you get over" your ex or vice versa, that has bad rebound written all over it.
Here are some things to look out for that should help you determine if your stuck in bad rebound-ville or on the train to pleasant relationship central:
1. Timing.
As mentioned before, timing can be a clear indicator as to whether your in a good or bad rebound situation. As I said, every situation is different. But if your dating someone who is two weeks out of their last relationship and their already talking about how they want to introduce you to their family, it's time to pump the brakes. After a break up, a person needs some time to breathe. I would give someone or yourself at least one to three months to clear the ruins of the recently deceased relationship and even then, I would be a little leery.
2. Level of communication with the ex.
I think the main reason why a potentially good rebound can go bad is because the person is not completely over there ex. One indication of this is whether or not they still talk to them on a regular basis. If your potential seems to be communicating with their ex every time the two of you are hanging out, I would be concerned.
3. How often the ex becomes the topic of conversation.
I think it's natural to discuss the ex..when it's warranted. I believe in the old adage "leave the past in the past." There's really no point in talking about why things didn't work with your ex unless someone asks you specifically. If your current belle or beau keeps bringing up things that went wrong while they were with their last love, it's clear they still have some issues they still need to work out-and it's clear they're not ready for a relationship. As Steven Ward (who is the host of VH1's reality show "Tough Love") says, "Talking about past relationships is like passing gas in public-it's best to pretend it never happened." Be cautious of this one, especially if it seems that bitter feelings are expressed.
These are just a few warning signs but I think these are the easiest to read. If you have a strong feeling that you may be in a bad rebound situation, don't be afraid to ask your current love interest some questions and express your concerns. Don't allow yourself to be second best when you deserve to be top pick. Happy dating all!
But what exactly constitutes a rebound? I wondered this in my own dating situation. The guy I am currently dating suffered a break up not too long before he and I started dating a second time. So does that make me a rebound?
When debating this, it seems that time is the overall determining factor. How long did your current love interest wait before they started dating you? And is being a rebound actually a bad thing?
I think every situation is different. In my opinion there are good rebounds and bad rebounds. Rebounds of the good kind can occur after a break up where the relationship was particularly negative and draining and it's a relief that it's over. If your lucky enough to find someone that makes you happy so quickly after a disastrous relationship, more power to you. But if it's apparent that your using someone to make yourself feel better or "help you get over" your ex or vice versa, that has bad rebound written all over it.
Here are some things to look out for that should help you determine if your stuck in bad rebound-ville or on the train to pleasant relationship central:
1. Timing.
As mentioned before, timing can be a clear indicator as to whether your in a good or bad rebound situation. As I said, every situation is different. But if your dating someone who is two weeks out of their last relationship and their already talking about how they want to introduce you to their family, it's time to pump the brakes. After a break up, a person needs some time to breathe. I would give someone or yourself at least one to three months to clear the ruins of the recently deceased relationship and even then, I would be a little leery.
2. Level of communication with the ex.
I think the main reason why a potentially good rebound can go bad is because the person is not completely over there ex. One indication of this is whether or not they still talk to them on a regular basis. If your potential seems to be communicating with their ex every time the two of you are hanging out, I would be concerned.
3. How often the ex becomes the topic of conversation.
I think it's natural to discuss the ex..when it's warranted. I believe in the old adage "leave the past in the past." There's really no point in talking about why things didn't work with your ex unless someone asks you specifically. If your current belle or beau keeps bringing up things that went wrong while they were with their last love, it's clear they still have some issues they still need to work out-and it's clear they're not ready for a relationship. As Steven Ward (who is the host of VH1's reality show "Tough Love") says, "Talking about past relationships is like passing gas in public-it's best to pretend it never happened." Be cautious of this one, especially if it seems that bitter feelings are expressed.
These are just a few warning signs but I think these are the easiest to read. If you have a strong feeling that you may be in a bad rebound situation, don't be afraid to ask your current love interest some questions and express your concerns. Don't allow yourself to be second best when you deserve to be top pick. Happy dating all!
The Benefits of Long Distance Dating
Long distance dating can be viewed as a nagging inconvenience-being far away from the one you love while trying to carry on in your daily life can sometimes be a difficult feat. But there are also some great benefits to having a relationship long distance and dare I say it, it can even be fun. And I ought to know.
I was in a relationship with someone for three years and a year and a half of that was spent long distance. Though we had many ups and downs in our relationship, we always made the distance work for us and it didn't affect us that much. One thing I greatly appreciated was knowing I had someone special in my life that supported me but that I could also focus on my daily priorities and get things done. I appreciated the fact that I had an equal mix of independence and relationship comfort.
Not to mention, I am contemplating entering into another long distance situation with another former boyfriend. But in my long distance relationship experience, I learned that there are certain critical factors that need to be in place to ensure a successful long distance dating situation. Here are some of the stipulations I am adhering to:
1. A strong connection to the individual is necessary.
Now this is a harsh fact, but when dating someone who is far away, there will be times you will wonder if it's worth the energy and money you will spend to maintain the relationship. So what determines whether it's worth it? In my opinion, a strong connection with someone is ultimately the deciding factor. And I'm not talking about connecting over a common interest in playing Guitar Hero; I'm talking about a mental, emotional and physical connection that is unique and apparent to both of you. Without this, it's going to be hard to justify traveling to see them on a regular basis. Make sure this is established.
2. Trust is imperative.
Any relationship without trust is a relationship doomed to fail. But with a long distance situation, trust is especially important. One of the down sides of LDD (Long Distance Dating) is that it may be easier to give into the temptation to cheat without your sweetness being any wiser, or vice versa. I'm not saying that trust completely shields either one of you from being a victim of this, but having a foundation of trust at least gives you a fighting chance as a long distance couple.
3. LDD arrangements will parish without sufficient communication.
This is definitely a challenge that I am facing in my current situation. As daters in our 20's, we have a number of obligations we have to attend to like school, work and extra curricular activities. With all of these factors constantly pulling for our attention, making communication with your far away amour a priority can get pretty complicated. But if you want your LDD situation to be successful, communication has to be important to both parties. Figure out the best time of the day for the two of you to communicate and allot that time on a daily basis, whether your having a phone conversation, texting, sexting, chatting, smoke signaling, whatever.
As long as you two have a foundation containing these three essential conditions, LDD success should be on the horizon. I'll leave you with a few more benefits of LDD:
1. Being long distance keeps the creative juices flowing in terms of making visiting each other fun. It keeps things fresh and breaks up the monotony that can be the everyday relationship.
2. In cases where a connection is strong, absence does make the heart grow fonder.
3. Done right, LDD allows you to keep your focus on important priorities like work, school and family and evenly balance that with a romantic relationship.
Designer Diane Von Furstenberg once said something along the lines of "Distance is to love what a wind is to fire. If it is a small fire, then the wind will blow it right out. But if it is a big fire, the wind only intensifies it."
Happy dating all!
I was in a relationship with someone for three years and a year and a half of that was spent long distance. Though we had many ups and downs in our relationship, we always made the distance work for us and it didn't affect us that much. One thing I greatly appreciated was knowing I had someone special in my life that supported me but that I could also focus on my daily priorities and get things done. I appreciated the fact that I had an equal mix of independence and relationship comfort.
Not to mention, I am contemplating entering into another long distance situation with another former boyfriend. But in my long distance relationship experience, I learned that there are certain critical factors that need to be in place to ensure a successful long distance dating situation. Here are some of the stipulations I am adhering to:
1. A strong connection to the individual is necessary.
Now this is a harsh fact, but when dating someone who is far away, there will be times you will wonder if it's worth the energy and money you will spend to maintain the relationship. So what determines whether it's worth it? In my opinion, a strong connection with someone is ultimately the deciding factor. And I'm not talking about connecting over a common interest in playing Guitar Hero; I'm talking about a mental, emotional and physical connection that is unique and apparent to both of you. Without this, it's going to be hard to justify traveling to see them on a regular basis. Make sure this is established.
2. Trust is imperative.
Any relationship without trust is a relationship doomed to fail. But with a long distance situation, trust is especially important. One of the down sides of LDD (Long Distance Dating) is that it may be easier to give into the temptation to cheat without your sweetness being any wiser, or vice versa. I'm not saying that trust completely shields either one of you from being a victim of this, but having a foundation of trust at least gives you a fighting chance as a long distance couple.
3. LDD arrangements will parish without sufficient communication.
This is definitely a challenge that I am facing in my current situation. As daters in our 20's, we have a number of obligations we have to attend to like school, work and extra curricular activities. With all of these factors constantly pulling for our attention, making communication with your far away amour a priority can get pretty complicated. But if you want your LDD situation to be successful, communication has to be important to both parties. Figure out the best time of the day for the two of you to communicate and allot that time on a daily basis, whether your having a phone conversation, texting, sexting, chatting, smoke signaling, whatever.
As long as you two have a foundation containing these three essential conditions, LDD success should be on the horizon. I'll leave you with a few more benefits of LDD:
1. Being long distance keeps the creative juices flowing in terms of making visiting each other fun. It keeps things fresh and breaks up the monotony that can be the everyday relationship.
2. In cases where a connection is strong, absence does make the heart grow fonder.
3. Done right, LDD allows you to keep your focus on important priorities like work, school and family and evenly balance that with a romantic relationship.
Designer Diane Von Furstenberg once said something along the lines of "Distance is to love what a wind is to fire. If it is a small fire, then the wind will blow it right out. But if it is a big fire, the wind only intensifies it."
Happy dating all!
Corresponding Article
I just found this article about being afraid to fall in love. Now it is from the Oprah magazine but it's interestingly written and discusses what we do to shield ourselves from intimacy. Enjoy!
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articleoprahmatch.aspx?cp-documentid=18531338
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articleoprahmatch.aspx?cp-documentid=18531338
It's Sabotage!!!
I realized in my recent dating situation that I have a serious relationship problem: I over analyze situations entirely too much and end up sabotaging what could be a potential relationship. And the more I over analyze my over analyzing, the more I think that this is common problem among young daters, whether they realize it or not.
I've been continuing to see my ex and it's been going surprisingly good. It is quite possible that we are headed toward a second try at a relationship. But despite this, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak; just waiting for disaster to strike or something bad to happen to ruin this whole situation.
Now in my fervor to over analyze, I've come to some other realizations and I know why I've continuously done this before and why it's happening now. Mostly it's because I'm terrified of getting hurt. This terror comes from my prior relationship, which also happened to be the first man I ever fell in love with.
I read an article once that said that your first love can affect your dating habits for the rest of your life. If that is true then I am completely screwed. My first and only serious relationship to speak of lasted three years and while there was some good times there was also some really bad times. One of the things my ex used to do was break up with me and then plead to get back together with me just a few days later. He did this countless times throughout our relationship and I could never say no to him because I loved him too much. Not to mention whenever we would have an argument, he would disappear for days leaving me worried and our conflict unresolved.
In addition to my minimal relationship history, my love life as a single for the last 2 and a half years has been about as successful as President Bush's eight years in office. The men I've dated have come and gone; I could have had relationships with some of them but I ended up pushing them away and shutting my emotions off. And while I've had a lot of fun being single and gotten some good laughs in the process, I know it's time for a change.
This time around with my ex feels different from most of the dating experiences I've had since I've been single. It's the first time in years that I've had a genuinely good feeling about a potential relationship. But he knows my concerns and he does know I'm worried; unfortunately I've discussed it with him at nauseum. I only hope he can be patient with me while I try to relax and let things just happen.
My fellow singles, I ask you, why do we do this to ourselves? That's the negative thing about past relationships: even when they are dead and gone, they still continue to follow you around like your own shadow. Some people can learn from their relationship ghosts and move on, while others struggle to come to terms with the things that caused them pain so they hold on to them as a form of protection. I don't want to allow my past to sabotage my present but I suppose at the very least I learned something from all of this; I didn't even think I had a problem until now. So I advise those out their grappling with their past to do their best to let go. Don't let past misery jeopardize your present and future happiness.
For the time being, I'm going to focus on taking my own advice. Good luck to you all out there. Happy dating all!
I've been continuing to see my ex and it's been going surprisingly good. It is quite possible that we are headed toward a second try at a relationship. But despite this, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak; just waiting for disaster to strike or something bad to happen to ruin this whole situation.
Now in my fervor to over analyze, I've come to some other realizations and I know why I've continuously done this before and why it's happening now. Mostly it's because I'm terrified of getting hurt. This terror comes from my prior relationship, which also happened to be the first man I ever fell in love with.
I read an article once that said that your first love can affect your dating habits for the rest of your life. If that is true then I am completely screwed. My first and only serious relationship to speak of lasted three years and while there was some good times there was also some really bad times. One of the things my ex used to do was break up with me and then plead to get back together with me just a few days later. He did this countless times throughout our relationship and I could never say no to him because I loved him too much. Not to mention whenever we would have an argument, he would disappear for days leaving me worried and our conflict unresolved.
In addition to my minimal relationship history, my love life as a single for the last 2 and a half years has been about as successful as President Bush's eight years in office. The men I've dated have come and gone; I could have had relationships with some of them but I ended up pushing them away and shutting my emotions off. And while I've had a lot of fun being single and gotten some good laughs in the process, I know it's time for a change.
This time around with my ex feels different from most of the dating experiences I've had since I've been single. It's the first time in years that I've had a genuinely good feeling about a potential relationship. But he knows my concerns and he does know I'm worried; unfortunately I've discussed it with him at nauseum. I only hope he can be patient with me while I try to relax and let things just happen.
My fellow singles, I ask you, why do we do this to ourselves? That's the negative thing about past relationships: even when they are dead and gone, they still continue to follow you around like your own shadow. Some people can learn from their relationship ghosts and move on, while others struggle to come to terms with the things that caused them pain so they hold on to them as a form of protection. I don't want to allow my past to sabotage my present but I suppose at the very least I learned something from all of this; I didn't even think I had a problem until now. So I advise those out their grappling with their past to do their best to let go. Don't let past misery jeopardize your present and future happiness.
For the time being, I'm going to focus on taking my own advice. Good luck to you all out there. Happy dating all!
Talking in Text Message
So I've been continuing to talk to my ex and I suppose it's going pretty good. There is really just one concrete issue that I have: he only likes to talk over text message.
I can't stand it. I'm a very verbally expressive person-I love to talk. No seriously, I talk faster then I can breathe. So the fact that I'm not having a few conversations with him a week over the phone bugs the hell out of me.
Right now I am cursing the day that text messaging ever became as standard a form of communication as a phone conversation. I blame it on highly advertised texting plans...you know the ones with unlimited texting, the ones practically screaming "PAY FOR ME MONTHLY AND TEXT UNTIL YOUR THUMBS FALL OFF!!!" Damn those cell phone companies.
Really, the text message issue boils down to a much bigger issue...I still don't feel like I can trust him. And the fact that the only time I get to hear his voice is when I see him face to face doesn't help matters. Using this form of communication, I am forced to speculate what's going on when he doesn't immediately return my text message, if it all. I am forced to spread getting information out all through the day instead of accomplishing it in one phone call.
Now men, take note: I am letting you in to the woman's psyche on this one. I can guarantee most women would feel exactly the same way I do. Also, chronically talking through text seems to be a gender specific issue. It seems men do not enjoy talking on the phone with their beloved unless they have something specific to say or their setting up plans.
I think what it comes down to is the fact that constantly conversing through text denies us the ability to do what we do (or at least what we think we do) best: gauge emotion. Without listening to the inflection of your words, we have no idea what you're feeling and those words on our cell phone morph into meaningless statements that we'll continue to look at and over analyze until we decide how you meant what you said and move on. It's one hell of a vicious cycle.
I probably sound like a scene out of the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." But I'm telling you, that's how the female mind works.
Communication was one of my ex and I's problems the last go around. I just hope that communication, along with the trust issues, will eventually improve.
I can't stand it. I'm a very verbally expressive person-I love to talk. No seriously, I talk faster then I can breathe. So the fact that I'm not having a few conversations with him a week over the phone bugs the hell out of me.
Right now I am cursing the day that text messaging ever became as standard a form of communication as a phone conversation. I blame it on highly advertised texting plans...you know the ones with unlimited texting, the ones practically screaming "PAY FOR ME MONTHLY AND TEXT UNTIL YOUR THUMBS FALL OFF!!!" Damn those cell phone companies.
Really, the text message issue boils down to a much bigger issue...I still don't feel like I can trust him. And the fact that the only time I get to hear his voice is when I see him face to face doesn't help matters. Using this form of communication, I am forced to speculate what's going on when he doesn't immediately return my text message, if it all. I am forced to spread getting information out all through the day instead of accomplishing it in one phone call.
Now men, take note: I am letting you in to the woman's psyche on this one. I can guarantee most women would feel exactly the same way I do. Also, chronically talking through text seems to be a gender specific issue. It seems men do not enjoy talking on the phone with their beloved unless they have something specific to say or their setting up plans.
I think what it comes down to is the fact that constantly conversing through text denies us the ability to do what we do (or at least what we think we do) best: gauge emotion. Without listening to the inflection of your words, we have no idea what you're feeling and those words on our cell phone morph into meaningless statements that we'll continue to look at and over analyze until we decide how you meant what you said and move on. It's one hell of a vicious cycle.
I probably sound like a scene out of the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." But I'm telling you, that's how the female mind works.
Communication was one of my ex and I's problems the last go around. I just hope that communication, along with the trust issues, will eventually improve.
Hey Now, Hey Now, My Boyfriend's Back...Sort Of...
I like to think that I am the kind of person that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, even when they have done something to make me think differently about them. But this was put to the test recently when an ex-boyfriend with whom I had experienced a bad break up with suddenly came back into my life.
I received an email from him saying that he missed me and really wanted to know how I was doing. My first reaction was anger. "How could he have the balls to contact me again after everything we went through?," I asked myself (it had been just shy of a year since I had last spoken to him).
I emailed him demanding to know what he wanted after all this time and what had happened on his end that lead to the demise of our relationship. Within that day and night, emails turned into text messages and text messages turned into a phone call. I finally got a chance to say everything I ever needed to say to him; I got closure that I wasn't even aware I needed.
Then came the tough part: he told me he wanted me back. And though he had hurt me and though I knew I couldn't just let him waltz right back into my life as if nothing had happened, I couldn't just say no.
To further complicate things, I had relocated about four hours away so we couldn't just meet up and continue to talk things out. The next day I received a text message saying he really wanted to see me and that he was going to drive down that night.
We spent the weekend together, mostly just talking about everything that happened between us. We both determined that we each made some mistakes: I had put the pressure on him to be in a relationship with me even though mentally my head was not in the right place and I still had other issues I needed to confront; he didn't communicate with me sufficiently enough or give me enough attention and he also had other things he was dealing with. All of this resulted in our very short lived relationship, which in a sense died before it ever really began. Ultimately we decided to call it a wash and wipe the slate clean.
During the weekend, we ended up connecting in a way that we never had before. It was almost as if the timing was just right. It was clear that we were still the same people, but we both had learned valuable lessons from our pasts. When everything was said and done, we decided that we're going to just see how things go and take it slow.
It might sound like my dilemma is over but it's just beginning. Though things are good, I'm scared to trust him. A certain level of vulnerability is necessary to trust someone and when someone has hurt you before, all you have is that to go off of. Then again, a relationship without trust isn't a relationship. I'm afraid to let go of the past because it's all that's guarding me from future heartbreak. At the same time, I'm jeopardizing what could be a rewarding second chance.
So do I trust or walk away?
To be continued....
I received an email from him saying that he missed me and really wanted to know how I was doing. My first reaction was anger. "How could he have the balls to contact me again after everything we went through?," I asked myself (it had been just shy of a year since I had last spoken to him).
I emailed him demanding to know what he wanted after all this time and what had happened on his end that lead to the demise of our relationship. Within that day and night, emails turned into text messages and text messages turned into a phone call. I finally got a chance to say everything I ever needed to say to him; I got closure that I wasn't even aware I needed.
Then came the tough part: he told me he wanted me back. And though he had hurt me and though I knew I couldn't just let him waltz right back into my life as if nothing had happened, I couldn't just say no.
To further complicate things, I had relocated about four hours away so we couldn't just meet up and continue to talk things out. The next day I received a text message saying he really wanted to see me and that he was going to drive down that night.
We spent the weekend together, mostly just talking about everything that happened between us. We both determined that we each made some mistakes: I had put the pressure on him to be in a relationship with me even though mentally my head was not in the right place and I still had other issues I needed to confront; he didn't communicate with me sufficiently enough or give me enough attention and he also had other things he was dealing with. All of this resulted in our very short lived relationship, which in a sense died before it ever really began. Ultimately we decided to call it a wash and wipe the slate clean.
During the weekend, we ended up connecting in a way that we never had before. It was almost as if the timing was just right. It was clear that we were still the same people, but we both had learned valuable lessons from our pasts. When everything was said and done, we decided that we're going to just see how things go and take it slow.
It might sound like my dilemma is over but it's just beginning. Though things are good, I'm scared to trust him. A certain level of vulnerability is necessary to trust someone and when someone has hurt you before, all you have is that to go off of. Then again, a relationship without trust isn't a relationship. I'm afraid to let go of the past because it's all that's guarding me from future heartbreak. At the same time, I'm jeopardizing what could be a rewarding second chance.
So do I trust or walk away?
To be continued....
