Hey There, Lonely Girl
I know it's been awhile since I last wrote. Honestly, I was waiting for some juicy bits of dating news or crazy adventures to share with you all, but not a whole lot has happened. I'm still a card-carrying member of the Lonely Hearts Club. It has been mostly enjoyable, but recently, I think it's started to catch up with me.
I think there comes a time in every single's life where loneliness seems to creep up on you from no where, almost overwhelming you at times. In your early twenties and even more so in your mid to late twenties, everyone from old school chums to your siblings is settling down; whether it's into relationships, into marriage or into parenthood, it's happening all around you. For those who have been single for sometime and haven't settled down into any of the above commitments, the loneliness that comes and goes can eventually began to take it's toll. And how far down you let that loneliness take you can dictate whether your a happy single, a content single, or a bitter single.
I always say that I have been single for three years; yeah, I've done some dating but my last serious relationship was three years ago. And in that time I have learned a lot, but the biggest thing I have learned about myself is that I am just not willing to settle for less than what I want, in relationships and in life in general. If I am not interested in someone or know that a guy is not my type, I won't waste his or my money and time going out on dates (let us not forget, we are in a recession). But in doing that, I spend a lot of time by myself. And then the loneliness comes. Another unfortunate aspect of loneliness is that if you let it go on for too long, it can fester and breed bitterness and desperation, a fun fact I found out recently.
I did allow my loneliness to get down to that place-that low place where you feel consumed by the hopelessness that is spawned from the thought that you will never find that special person. It's a place that I honestly haven't been to very often, but once I got there I knew I didn't want to stay. It made me wonder how many other people were in that very same spot and how many let the loneliness lead them into depression and even worse, lead them into wanting to just end everything. I didn't get that far thank God, but I understand now how it gets to that point and how quickly depression can develop from loneliness.
I realized how important it is to have people around you, to keep yourself busy and to have different outlets. In my loneliness, I've come up with my own guidelines that you can use to shield yourself from falling into that pit of despair.
1. Tell someone how your feeling.
The hardest obstacle I had to overcome while I was taking up residence in the loneliness pit was admitting that I was lonely. I have a lot of pride and am very independent so I definitely don't like people seeing me sweat. But I found when I would talk to a friend about what I was going through, it made me feel so much better. Just to know that someone was willing to be there and listen to me gave me hope. Don't be afraid to tell someone exactly what your feeling.
2. Get involved with some extra curriculars.
Part of the reason I think my loneliness got so bad is because all I ever do is go to school and work, but you have to have other outlets. All work and no play will make you a dull girl or boy. I am in the process of volunteering and getting back into exercising. Activities like volunteering or joining a gym (or taking part in any exercise) will not only be good for the community and your health, but it will also allow you to meet other people. Don't be afraid to branch out into other hobbies as well. Take a cooking class or a dance class. I know for those out there who are shy like myself, it can be difficult to push yourself into social situations, but for your well being sometimes you've just gotta do it.
3. Take care of yourself.
When your down in a lonely slump, it can be very easy to engage in some hazardous behavior in regards to your health (trust me, greasy comfort food served as my boyfriend during my lonely days.) But if your not treating yourself right, how is someone else going to know to? When your feeling down, allow yourself some of your old vices, like some good southern food or a big juicy burger, but only in moderation. Unhealthy eating will negatively contribute to your mood and if your not getting all of the proper nutrients your body needs, your physical as well as your mental will suffer. I personally still strive to get the five food groups in my day's meals (Oils and Fats, Dairy, Proteins, Fruits, Grains and Cereals) as corny and old fashioned as that is. Drowning your sorrows in drugs and alcohol is ABSOLUTELY prohibited-alcohol will only make you feel more depressed and drugs will only help you medicate, not actually solve the problem at hand.
I implore everyone who has let loneliness get them down to hang in there. There will be times when you have a special someone in your life and times when you don't. I truly believe that God has his own plans for me and in due time, I'll bump into the right fella. Whatever you believe in, just know that you will probably run into the right person when your not looking for it. In the mean time, don't be afraid to reach out if you need to talk to someone. I'm always here if you need an ear as well. Happy dating all!
If you or someone you know is thinking of committing suicide, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for help.
I think there comes a time in every single's life where loneliness seems to creep up on you from no where, almost overwhelming you at times. In your early twenties and even more so in your mid to late twenties, everyone from old school chums to your siblings is settling down; whether it's into relationships, into marriage or into parenthood, it's happening all around you. For those who have been single for sometime and haven't settled down into any of the above commitments, the loneliness that comes and goes can eventually began to take it's toll. And how far down you let that loneliness take you can dictate whether your a happy single, a content single, or a bitter single.
I always say that I have been single for three years; yeah, I've done some dating but my last serious relationship was three years ago. And in that time I have learned a lot, but the biggest thing I have learned about myself is that I am just not willing to settle for less than what I want, in relationships and in life in general. If I am not interested in someone or know that a guy is not my type, I won't waste his or my money and time going out on dates (let us not forget, we are in a recession). But in doing that, I spend a lot of time by myself. And then the loneliness comes. Another unfortunate aspect of loneliness is that if you let it go on for too long, it can fester and breed bitterness and desperation, a fun fact I found out recently.
I did allow my loneliness to get down to that place-that low place where you feel consumed by the hopelessness that is spawned from the thought that you will never find that special person. It's a place that I honestly haven't been to very often, but once I got there I knew I didn't want to stay. It made me wonder how many other people were in that very same spot and how many let the loneliness lead them into depression and even worse, lead them into wanting to just end everything. I didn't get that far thank God, but I understand now how it gets to that point and how quickly depression can develop from loneliness.
I realized how important it is to have people around you, to keep yourself busy and to have different outlets. In my loneliness, I've come up with my own guidelines that you can use to shield yourself from falling into that pit of despair.
1. Tell someone how your feeling.
The hardest obstacle I had to overcome while I was taking up residence in the loneliness pit was admitting that I was lonely. I have a lot of pride and am very independent so I definitely don't like people seeing me sweat. But I found when I would talk to a friend about what I was going through, it made me feel so much better. Just to know that someone was willing to be there and listen to me gave me hope. Don't be afraid to tell someone exactly what your feeling.
2. Get involved with some extra curriculars.
Part of the reason I think my loneliness got so bad is because all I ever do is go to school and work, but you have to have other outlets. All work and no play will make you a dull girl or boy. I am in the process of volunteering and getting back into exercising. Activities like volunteering or joining a gym (or taking part in any exercise) will not only be good for the community and your health, but it will also allow you to meet other people. Don't be afraid to branch out into other hobbies as well. Take a cooking class or a dance class. I know for those out there who are shy like myself, it can be difficult to push yourself into social situations, but for your well being sometimes you've just gotta do it.
3. Take care of yourself.
When your down in a lonely slump, it can be very easy to engage in some hazardous behavior in regards to your health (trust me, greasy comfort food served as my boyfriend during my lonely days.) But if your not treating yourself right, how is someone else going to know to? When your feeling down, allow yourself some of your old vices, like some good southern food or a big juicy burger, but only in moderation. Unhealthy eating will negatively contribute to your mood and if your not getting all of the proper nutrients your body needs, your physical as well as your mental will suffer. I personally still strive to get the five food groups in my day's meals (Oils and Fats, Dairy, Proteins, Fruits, Grains and Cereals) as corny and old fashioned as that is. Drowning your sorrows in drugs and alcohol is ABSOLUTELY prohibited-alcohol will only make you feel more depressed and drugs will only help you medicate, not actually solve the problem at hand.
I implore everyone who has let loneliness get them down to hang in there. There will be times when you have a special someone in your life and times when you don't. I truly believe that God has his own plans for me and in due time, I'll bump into the right fella. Whatever you believe in, just know that you will probably run into the right person when your not looking for it. In the mean time, don't be afraid to reach out if you need to talk to someone. I'm always here if you need an ear as well. Happy dating all!
If you or someone you know is thinking of committing suicide, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for help.
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