How Much Baggage Is Too Much Baggage?
With dating in today's day and age, it's safe to assume that everyone comes with a past. Everyone has their own set of baggage unique to their own life path. So it's also safe to say that the process of dating is basically when two people take a look inside that baggage and try to determine how many items they are each willing to accept, or at least tolerate.
But exactly how much baggage is too much baggage? This is a question I recently had to ask myself.
Obviously, I met a guy. Now if I had a type, this guy is probably it-looks, personality, positive attitude, honesty-after taking it all in, I assessed that this is a pretty decent guy. It also seems like he's got his act together-he works full time, goes to school and attends the gym regularly. So what is the fly in the ointment you ask? I'll tell you.
There are some things in his past that I am not completely comfortable with. Now I won't get into the details, but it's not the usual set of relationship baggage a person comes with, like a previous marriage or kids or infidelity or a psycho ex. It's baggage I've never dealt with before. And though it appears that he has done almost a complete reversal and made large efforts at growing and changing, I still fear that if we got involved, he might revert back to some of his old ways.
I have been questioning whether or not I can completely handle it all or if it's just too much. I did reiterate to him that I would not tolerate any of his old behavior and he said he respected that and liked that I made that clear.
So how do you assess how much baggage is too much? Here are some strats that I am currently using:
1. Determine whether it's baggage or a red flag.
Sometimes it's hard to determine whether the emotional baggage one is toting is just that, or if it is a red flag that the situation and your potential flame aren't right for you. The best way to figure this out is to evaluate whether their past baggage has a present place in their life. If it's clear that they have stowed their baggage away and moved on, it's safe to say it's just plain baggage. But if you don't see much of a difference between who they say they were in the past and who they are now, I would qualify that as a red flag that something is amiss.
2. Reserve your judgements.
But exactly how much baggage is too much baggage? This is a question I recently had to ask myself.
Obviously, I met a guy. Now if I had a type, this guy is probably it-looks, personality, positive attitude, honesty-after taking it all in, I assessed that this is a pretty decent guy. It also seems like he's got his act together-he works full time, goes to school and attends the gym regularly. So what is the fly in the ointment you ask? I'll tell you.
There are some things in his past that I am not completely comfortable with. Now I won't get into the details, but it's not the usual set of relationship baggage a person comes with, like a previous marriage or kids or infidelity or a psycho ex. It's baggage I've never dealt with before. And though it appears that he has done almost a complete reversal and made large efforts at growing and changing, I still fear that if we got involved, he might revert back to some of his old ways.
I have been questioning whether or not I can completely handle it all or if it's just too much. I did reiterate to him that I would not tolerate any of his old behavior and he said he respected that and liked that I made that clear.
So how do you assess how much baggage is too much? Here are some strats that I am currently using:
1. Determine whether it's baggage or a red flag.
Sometimes it's hard to determine whether the emotional baggage one is toting is just that, or if it is a red flag that the situation and your potential flame aren't right for you. The best way to figure this out is to evaluate whether their past baggage has a present place in their life. If it's clear that they have stowed their baggage away and moved on, it's safe to say it's just plain baggage. But if you don't see much of a difference between who they say they were in the past and who they are now, I would qualify that as a red flag that something is amiss.
2. Reserve your judgements.
The fact is, the situation that my possible beau was faced with is not all that uncommon from things I have seen others close to me go through. So to judge him, I would have to judge them as well and even dare I say it, myself. Attempt to reserve your judgements until it is absolutely necessary.
I know it can be difficult to accept a not so favorable past along with a favorable person. Assessing the situation can help you determine whether you should stick around and rummage through the baggage, or pack up and heave home. Only when you and your paramour's baggage can be dealt with compatibly can their be true relationship bliss. Happy dating all!
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