The Rebound
In the dictionary, the word rebound is defined as "to bound or spring back from force of impact." So then it is no wonder why the same word is used when you began dating someone after a break up-your rebounding from the force of impact or the blow you were dealt during a break up.
But what exactly constitutes a rebound? I wondered this in my own dating situation. The guy I am currently dating suffered a break up not too long before he and I started dating a second time. So does that make me a rebound?
When debating this, it seems that time is the overall determining factor. How long did your current love interest wait before they started dating you? And is being a rebound actually a bad thing?
I think every situation is different. In my opinion there are good rebounds and bad rebounds. Rebounds of the good kind can occur after a break up where the relationship was particularly negative and draining and it's a relief that it's over. If your lucky enough to find someone that makes you happy so quickly after a disastrous relationship, more power to you. But if it's apparent that your using someone to make yourself feel better or "help you get over" your ex or vice versa, that has bad rebound written all over it.
Here are some things to look out for that should help you determine if your stuck in bad rebound-ville or on the train to pleasant relationship central:
1. Timing.
As mentioned before, timing can be a clear indicator as to whether your in a good or bad rebound situation. As I said, every situation is different. But if your dating someone who is two weeks out of their last relationship and their already talking about how they want to introduce you to their family, it's time to pump the brakes. After a break up, a person needs some time to breathe. I would give someone or yourself at least one to three months to clear the ruins of the recently deceased relationship and even then, I would be a little leery.
2. Level of communication with the ex.
I think the main reason why a potentially good rebound can go bad is because the person is not completely over there ex. One indication of this is whether or not they still talk to them on a regular basis. If your potential seems to be communicating with their ex every time the two of you are hanging out, I would be concerned.
3. How often the ex becomes the topic of conversation.
I think it's natural to discuss the ex..when it's warranted. I believe in the old adage "leave the past in the past." There's really no point in talking about why things didn't work with your ex unless someone asks you specifically. If your current belle or beau keeps bringing up things that went wrong while they were with their last love, it's clear they still have some issues they still need to work out-and it's clear they're not ready for a relationship. As Steven Ward (who is the host of VH1's reality show "Tough Love") says, "Talking about past relationships is like passing gas in public-it's best to pretend it never happened." Be cautious of this one, especially if it seems that bitter feelings are expressed.
These are just a few warning signs but I think these are the easiest to read. If you have a strong feeling that you may be in a bad rebound situation, don't be afraid to ask your current love interest some questions and express your concerns. Don't allow yourself to be second best when you deserve to be top pick. Happy dating all!
But what exactly constitutes a rebound? I wondered this in my own dating situation. The guy I am currently dating suffered a break up not too long before he and I started dating a second time. So does that make me a rebound?
When debating this, it seems that time is the overall determining factor. How long did your current love interest wait before they started dating you? And is being a rebound actually a bad thing?
I think every situation is different. In my opinion there are good rebounds and bad rebounds. Rebounds of the good kind can occur after a break up where the relationship was particularly negative and draining and it's a relief that it's over. If your lucky enough to find someone that makes you happy so quickly after a disastrous relationship, more power to you. But if it's apparent that your using someone to make yourself feel better or "help you get over" your ex or vice versa, that has bad rebound written all over it.
Here are some things to look out for that should help you determine if your stuck in bad rebound-ville or on the train to pleasant relationship central:
1. Timing.
As mentioned before, timing can be a clear indicator as to whether your in a good or bad rebound situation. As I said, every situation is different. But if your dating someone who is two weeks out of their last relationship and their already talking about how they want to introduce you to their family, it's time to pump the brakes. After a break up, a person needs some time to breathe. I would give someone or yourself at least one to three months to clear the ruins of the recently deceased relationship and even then, I would be a little leery.
2. Level of communication with the ex.
I think the main reason why a potentially good rebound can go bad is because the person is not completely over there ex. One indication of this is whether or not they still talk to them on a regular basis. If your potential seems to be communicating with their ex every time the two of you are hanging out, I would be concerned.
3. How often the ex becomes the topic of conversation.
I think it's natural to discuss the ex..when it's warranted. I believe in the old adage "leave the past in the past." There's really no point in talking about why things didn't work with your ex unless someone asks you specifically. If your current belle or beau keeps bringing up things that went wrong while they were with their last love, it's clear they still have some issues they still need to work out-and it's clear they're not ready for a relationship. As Steven Ward (who is the host of VH1's reality show "Tough Love") says, "Talking about past relationships is like passing gas in public-it's best to pretend it never happened." Be cautious of this one, especially if it seems that bitter feelings are expressed.
These are just a few warning signs but I think these are the easiest to read. If you have a strong feeling that you may be in a bad rebound situation, don't be afraid to ask your current love interest some questions and express your concerns. Don't allow yourself to be second best when you deserve to be top pick. Happy dating all!
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