LaLa in Seattle

I like to think that I am the kind of person that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, even when they have done something to make me think differently about them. But this was put to the test recently when an ex-boyfriend with whom I had experienced a bad break up with suddenly came back into my life.

I received an email from him saying that he missed me and really wanted to know how I was doing. My first reaction was anger. "How could he have the balls to contact me again after everything we went through?," I asked myself (it had been just shy of a year since I had last spoken to him).

I emailed him demanding to know what he wanted after all this time and what had happened on his end that lead to the demise of our relationship. Within that day and night, emails turned into text messages and text messages turned into a phone call. I finally got a chance to say everything I ever needed to say to him; I got closure that I wasn't even aware I needed.

Then came the tough part: he told me he wanted me back. And though he had hurt me and though I knew I couldn't just let him waltz right back into my life as if nothing had happened, I couldn't just say no.

To further complicate things, I had relocated about four hours away so we couldn't just meet up and continue to talk things out. The next day I received a text message saying he really wanted to see me and that he was going to drive down that night.

We spent the weekend together, mostly just talking about everything that happened between us. We both determined that we each made some mistakes: I had put the pressure on him to be in a relationship with me even though mentally my head was not in the right place and I still had other issues I needed to confront; he didn't communicate with me sufficiently enough or give me enough attention and he also had other things he was dealing with. All of this resulted in our very short lived relationship, which in a sense died before it ever really began. Ultimately we decided to call it a wash and wipe the slate clean.

During the weekend, we ended up connecting in a way that we never had before. It was almost as if the timing was just right. It was clear that we were still the same people, but we both had learned valuable lessons from our pasts. When everything was said and done, we decided that we're going to just see how things go and take it slow.

It might sound like my dilemma is over but it's just beginning. Though things are good, I'm scared to trust him. A certain level of vulnerability is necessary to trust someone and when someone has hurt you before, all you have is that to go off of. Then again, a relationship without trust isn't a relationship. I'm afraid to let go of the past because it's all that's guarding me from future heartbreak. At the same time, I'm jeopardizing what could be a rewarding second chance.

So do I trust or walk away?

To be continued....