Friends Becoming Lovers
Recently, I've been thinking about how friends, specifically male and female sets of friends, become more than friends. This can be a sticky and delicate situation, depending on the nature of the friendship. Now I don't consider myself an expert in every dating situation, but if there is any situation I am very knowledgable on, it's this one. I've been there enough times to know it should be handled carefully, but to know how to handle it really depends on how your friendship started in the first place.
I think one of the most common ways male/female friendships start is through dating. Maybe you were dating a girl or guy and it didn't end up working out, but they were such great people that you decided to stay friends. However sometimes, you can be friends with a guy/girl and over a certain period of time, feelings develop. This is where things get tricky. And unfortunately, I've been there a couple of times.
I have a lot of guy friends, but there was one in particular I was friends with for a long time. He and I talked and confided in each other about some of our most personal feelings and experiences. I did not start out having feelings for him but over time, I realized what an amazing guy he was. It took me a long time to see it but when I finally did, I wasn't sure what to do.
Sadly, I let my cowardess get the best of me and I never told him how I felt. The fact is, I cared about him so much as a friend that I wasn't willing to jepordize our friendship in order to find out if he might feel the same way.
It did get me thinking though, if you do get the courage to tell a friend that you have deeper feelings for them, what is the best way to do that? I came up with some of my own guidelines:
1. Evaluate whether or not you are willing to take the risk.
In a friendship, there is a certain comfort level already established because you have shared things with that person and been there for each other. But the important thing to understand if you decide to confess romantic feelings to a friend is that romantic feelings come with a completely new territory. And it might be a territory that your friend is not entirely comfortable seeing you in. You have to evaluate two things in this situation: A) How they might react. If you are good enough friends with someone, you should be able to gauge how they will respond once you tell them how you feel and B)Whether you're willing to risk the friendship. This is a hard reality, but sometimes after amorous feelings have been put out there, things can get so awkward that the friendship eventually ends. You have to determine whether you are willing to either sacrifice the friendship to find out if he/she has feelings for you, or sacrifice your feelings in order to maintain your friendship. Evaluating these factors will provide you with an airbag against any negative results.
2. Figure out the best way to concede your true feelings.
Confessing to someone that you have romantic feelings for them is never easy. But once you have summoned up the courage to do so (and God bless those that do), you want to make sure that you say everything you need to say and express it clearly so the other person understands where your coming from. One thing that helps me in any confession-of-feelings type situation is writing them a letter or email. By going this route, you have the option of editing what you want to say while at the same time saying everything that you need to. Sometimes in a face to face interaction like this, we get so nervous that we forget to say something really important. If you are brave enough to sit down and express your feelings in person, don't be afraid to make a list of everything you want to talk about or write them a letter and read it to them. Most importantly, make it clear what your intentions are for your friendship, whether you want to remain friends with that person or not.
I hope this helps someone out there conquer their fears and finally find out how someone may or may not feel about them. The thing is, you will never know until you ask.....and sometimes risks like this can pay off in even greater ways then you've ever imagined. Sorry for the corny fairy tale ending, but it's true dammit. Happy dating all!
I think one of the most common ways male/female friendships start is through dating. Maybe you were dating a girl or guy and it didn't end up working out, but they were such great people that you decided to stay friends. However sometimes, you can be friends with a guy/girl and over a certain period of time, feelings develop. This is where things get tricky. And unfortunately, I've been there a couple of times.
I have a lot of guy friends, but there was one in particular I was friends with for a long time. He and I talked and confided in each other about some of our most personal feelings and experiences. I did not start out having feelings for him but over time, I realized what an amazing guy he was. It took me a long time to see it but when I finally did, I wasn't sure what to do.
Sadly, I let my cowardess get the best of me and I never told him how I felt. The fact is, I cared about him so much as a friend that I wasn't willing to jepordize our friendship in order to find out if he might feel the same way.
It did get me thinking though, if you do get the courage to tell a friend that you have deeper feelings for them, what is the best way to do that? I came up with some of my own guidelines:
1. Evaluate whether or not you are willing to take the risk.
In a friendship, there is a certain comfort level already established because you have shared things with that person and been there for each other. But the important thing to understand if you decide to confess romantic feelings to a friend is that romantic feelings come with a completely new territory. And it might be a territory that your friend is not entirely comfortable seeing you in. You have to evaluate two things in this situation: A) How they might react. If you are good enough friends with someone, you should be able to gauge how they will respond once you tell them how you feel and B)Whether you're willing to risk the friendship. This is a hard reality, but sometimes after amorous feelings have been put out there, things can get so awkward that the friendship eventually ends. You have to determine whether you are willing to either sacrifice the friendship to find out if he/she has feelings for you, or sacrifice your feelings in order to maintain your friendship. Evaluating these factors will provide you with an airbag against any negative results.
2. Figure out the best way to concede your true feelings.
Confessing to someone that you have romantic feelings for them is never easy. But once you have summoned up the courage to do so (and God bless those that do), you want to make sure that you say everything you need to say and express it clearly so the other person understands where your coming from. One thing that helps me in any confession-of-feelings type situation is writing them a letter or email. By going this route, you have the option of editing what you want to say while at the same time saying everything that you need to. Sometimes in a face to face interaction like this, we get so nervous that we forget to say something really important. If you are brave enough to sit down and express your feelings in person, don't be afraid to make a list of everything you want to talk about or write them a letter and read it to them. Most importantly, make it clear what your intentions are for your friendship, whether you want to remain friends with that person or not.
I hope this helps someone out there conquer their fears and finally find out how someone may or may not feel about them. The thing is, you will never know until you ask.....and sometimes risks like this can pay off in even greater ways then you've ever imagined. Sorry for the corny fairy tale ending, but it's true dammit. Happy dating all!
0 comments:
Post a Comment