LaLa in Seattle

I once had an English professor tell our entire class that, the longer a person is single, the more sexual partners they will rack up (why we were discussing this in an English class is beyond me.) This is a fact that single, sexually active people in their twenties and beyond will have to face. And once you factor in the risk of STD's and pregnancy as well as the desire for a deeper emotional connection with your sexual partner, having sex with someone your casually dating may not look like a viable option.

Knowing this, some adults practice abstinence. Now I think what intrigues me about the concept of already sexually active adults stopping their sexual activity is all of the stigmas that people seem to apply to it. Yeah, abstinence isn't a ton a fun, but many of the stereotypical reasons for partaking in it are not that widespread, especially when it comes to the 20 somethings age group.

One common misconception is that everyone who practices abstinence chooses to do so for religious reasons. Another misconception is that you have to be a virgin to practice abstinence. But the fact of the matter is, there are plenty of adults out there who were previously sexually active and decided to abstain from having sex...at least until the right person comes along. Now you might be asking, how do I know this? Well, for starters, I'm one of those people.

I haven't had a serious relationship in a little over two years now and since then I have dated a few guys. And though I did allow myself to be intimate with some of them, I found that I was unfulfilled because none of them turned out to be long term relationship prospects. I used to be a very sexually liberated thinker when it came to satisfying your needs even if your not in a committed relationship with someone. But I suppose since I have gotten older, it doesn't seem worth it to give myself sexually to someone who doesn't have deeper feelings for me and vice versa. So I decided to abstain. Clearly, I'm not a virgin and though I am a person of faith, I did not decide to abstain for any religious reasons.

Some minor slip ups aside, I have been abstinent for almost a year now. Mind you, I am a woman who very much enjoys sex and anything sexual so it has not been easy by any means. But I definitely have and continue to gain piece of mind knowing that I am not only being safer, but am also waiting for the right person as well as a committed relationship. So how do you decide if abstinence is right for you?

One thing you have to understand is that it's going to take commitment. As I have experienced, there will be many chances to give in to your temptations and especially after a number of months has passed, it's not always easy to say no. Since Mrs. or Mr. Right is not always around the corner, make sure you can confidently make that commitment for the long haul.

And what happens if you do meet someone? Explaining to someone that you are abstaining from sex until your in a relationship can be difficult because you don't want to scare off or intimidate someone you really like. If your comfortable divulging you abstinent status, just be real and honest about your reasons. In the case you are not comfortable, just let that person know that you really want to wait until your in an exclusive dating arrangement with them to have sex. Sometimes using the word "abstinence" is what throws people off.

And for the record, I think another fallacy about abstinence is that women are the only ones participating in it. But guess what? The only other abstinent people I've met have been men. Chew on that for a bit.

Hopefully this helps you pass that proverbial fork in the road between staying sexually active or taking up abstinence. And for those who decide to take the scenic sexually active route, remember, protect yourself. Or as I like to say "Wrap that rascal!" Happy dating all!