LaLa in Seattle

You know what I hate? The awkwardness that exists when you just start getting to know someone. Specifically when you start to really like someone and you have no idea about how you should pursue it further. You frequently wonder, "How often should I call him/her? Should I ask him/her to hang out, or should I just wait for him/her to ask? What if I pursue him/her too much and end up looking like a freakin desperate nutbag?"

This experience varies for guys and girls, which is often why things get lost in translation, so to speak. The big theory in scoring your Mr. or Ms. Right Now and transitioning into an exclusive dating arrangement is this: you have to play games to get there. In my experience, playing games just results in the situation stalling or imploding.

So how do you pursue someone while avoiding the game-playing route or if you just have no game? I came up with some of my own suggestions:

1. Find a balance between pursuance and relaxation.

This is the hardest thing of all to master. It's my observation that when you really like someone and are interested in having a relationship with this someone, there is a slight sense of urgency; almost like you have to snag them quickly before someone else does. And it's hard for me to even admit but this sense of urgency often stems from our own insecurities(i.e., "Do they like me? Am I good enough for them?," etc). It's easy when you don't know any better to either call/text/email someone too much or not communicate enough. I think at least hitting someone with a text every two to three days is sufficient. A simple "How is your day going?" can actually go a long way. The best way to figure out if the other party is genuinely interested is if communication between you two gradually progresses from text messages and emails, to phone conversations and face-to-face encounters. If over a period of time your continuing to communicate with a person, say two weeks to a month and you feel like your not getting the same amount of communication back, it's time to move on.

2. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Do you know one great way to get better at dating and increase your game? Practice, practice, practice! Sometimes we get so excited about one great person that we've just started getting to know that all of our our romantic focus and attention goes on that one person. And when you go gaga like that for one gal or guy, it's easy to develop anxiety when you don't hear from them or they don't seem to be into you. You have to get out there, expand your horizons and meet new people. If your unclear about how to do that, a great way is to get involved in some type of volunteer work (Habitat for Humanity is a good example). Also, asking friends to set you up with one of their friends is another way. Now all though I am extremely guilty of this myself, I have to provide you with this disclaimer: Try to avoid meeting new people at clubs or bars. Sometimes this is unavoidable and I have heard success stories, but more often than not people you end up meeting while your getting snokered at the bar or club only have potential for one thing. So if your interested in more than that one thing, try to abstain from it as much as possible.

3. Don't be afraid to be who you are.

I find in the beginning stages of dating, people either hide things about themselves or tell little white lies to make themselves look better or more desirable to their hypothetical amour. Now I know I probably sound like every dating advice column when I say this, but you have to have confidence in yourself. You have to know that you, flaws and all, are a great catch and that they would be lucky to have you. The fact is, when that person got your number and started communicating with you, they saw something they liked. Have faith in yourself and don't be afraid to reveal something because your afraid it might change how they see you. The one you ultimately end up in a fulfilling relationship with is going to be the one who loves and accepts who you truly are inside. The one that can't accept you for who you are is not the right one for you.

I hope this assists those out there in taking their first wobbly steps toward what could be a great dating experience. And don't worry, I'm right along side of you blindly stumbling down the same path. Be brave. Happy dating all!